Today was the same boring school day, me hating myself. Saying I'm gonna die in a hole. Hangin' with my friends. But it was at recess that got me. Yes, 5th grade, and I have recess. I asked my friend, why she puts up with me? Why, am I still her friend, she said she didn't know. Then she asked me. I told her most of the things we do are normal friend things. She asked why I stay when she's depressed, and has panic attacks, why do I stay? Honestly..... I don't know. All I know, is I don't care about that stuff. I kept thinking to myself, it's because your my friend, and always will be. But... it's the way she said I don't know when I asked... that hurt. I just don't know. She's changed. And of course when I got home, I thought about cutting, but was to much of a wimp to do it. I want to do it so bad! I feel like, if I do, all the stress will come out with the blood. I don't know. Lunch was weird too. My friends just left and I felt so empty. Music is my help so I made up a song. I would tell you but, it's weird as fuck. I hate when people yell, and there's no school tomorrow, so I'm at my grandmother's house. With my parents, yelling is an everyday thing. Heh. That's all for today. Bye.
