A conversation between my best friend and the boy I loved
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"you don't have feelings do you?" said my best friend of many years.
"I do, I get upset, I get mad. Don't pretend you know me" said the blonde boy I fell in love with.
"no, deep feelings. you don't have those, she (me) loved you so much and you broke her. Her feelings were so deep that she built a grave and it was as if you laughed over her. You've never changed, she's loved you for so many years and you did the stupidest thing."
"How is this my fault?"
"You paid attention to her and made it looked like you loved her, and just when she thought that maybe you didn't hate her you shouted at her and toll her you hated her just because you were scared of feeling what you were feeling."
"She loved me."
"No you can't try to win her back and pay attention to her till you decide to tear her down piece by piece. She moved on from you, you told her you hated her so she moved on and you wouldn't let her and her boyfriend be together because, because what? Nobody knows, they were perfect together but it's all about you and her but it's not. Then she pretended she didn't love you for months and months and you seemed to like her more then which made her so upset. She cried to me about her confusing you were. All the amount of boys she used to get over you, but she couldn't. You were a drug to her, she was addicted. She tried so hard to love people but she couldn't. She never told you but the reason she broke up with all those boys was because of you. Why would you pay more attention to a girl once she said she didn't love you?"
"Because of me? That's why they broke up?"
"Yes, and you were to blind to see that she loved you so much but you didn't. Now she's married and she's found a boy that looked at her with perfection in his eyes and wondered what she was doing and never told her he hated her or didn't want her. He takes care of her but it's not enough. She texts me occasionally because she knows I still talk to you and want to see how your doing because she cares, she always has."
"She's happy with him?"
"No, but she's happier. And now she's gone, without a trace and you're left waiting because none of the girls you've been with will ever be like her. They'll never love you like she did. No matter what you said to her or did to her she would still be happy because you had noticed her. That's controlling and you know it."
"I didn't know how she felt."
"You did, obviously you did. She physically told you she loved you and you just laughed in her face. Do you want to know why you said all those mean things and then nice things and got confused and jealous? Not because you used her."
"Why was I like that?"
"Because you loved her, and she still loves you."
