Cathartic

Piper

    I'm in bed with someone I met four hours ago. Just another college kid who works out of town at a record shop. He reeks of worn down cologne and dust; but I've learned to be careless of that. He tugged at my shirt, pulling it over my ribs and past my head.

    I don't belong here.
  
    Everytime these damned thoughts gnaw at me, they leave my stomach churning in agreement.
   
    But I still ignore them.

    His bedroom is dark, curtains draped over the only window in the room. It's warm.

   It's inviting.

   It's locked away from all that worries either of us.

   Him? His dumb job, and maybe his even dumber parents .

   Me? Anthony. My catholic nutcase.

   He finds his way to my neck with his lips and I can only melt into a smile at the growing heat, radiating between the two of us.

   I can't though.

   I pull away and lift myself off of his bed, rubbing the back of my neck.

   "Listen, Ronnie I don't think I can..." I try to breeze through the awkward words, each vowel burdening me.

   "Piper, you're a goddess."

    and in that moment I smile and I can't stop. They always do this, and it always works.

   "I think... I'm good, I'm good." I sit for a moment; a warm feeling expands in my chest. Compliments; whether fake or genuine, always got me to thinking.

     A girl more than I am, one who has no recollection of school or her grades. One who appreciates her boyfriend. A good girl, who deserves good grades and a good family.

   We all dream sometimes.

   "I want you so, so bad Piper."

    Birds are singing in my head, all I can imagine is that voice inside of his head not wanting me. Not wanting me but needing me-

   'I can't live without you.'

   But I'd always go for want too.

   As I slid my legs back onto the cramped bed, he immediately pulled me up onto him, our lips brushed and the adrenaline kicked in, like it did every other time, every other day, with every other empty fuck.

   Just as he pulls the sheets over us, my cell goes off, buzzing like a maniac on his nightstand.

   I think he glanced over at me as a way to ask who it was. I would look but I already knew. I think he knew too.

    He paused our session to see if I would answer but I was careless enough already. He smiled and we were swept under the gray linen. 

   Pause. Now pan back out- to that girl. That girl who wanted so bad to get up and leave; back to her good, little catholic boyfriend.

   But I guess the two of us; Elyse and I are just from two polar planets.