Irresistible Eyes

Lay Down with Me

It's 3:30am and I can't seem to fall asleep , I'm so unlucky. It's pretty 'normal' for 18year olds to be up at this time but no ,I'm different. My brain is like 20years old, but hey.. I don't mean to brag. I can't stop thinking about my life and how much things I need to put together , especially my future, it's bugging me and making me emotionally troubled. My best friend Emma is always listening to my 'inside thoughts' but it feels like she doesn't understand , well how can someone else understand when I myself ,don't. My mind is such a crazy place, it's the reason for most of my breakdowns ,and yeah I have those. I'm trying to watch some YouTube videos to fall asleep but they don't even get to me anymore. It's all a waste, my entire life. I bet you're thinking ," damn she's a bit hard on herself," well trust me ,I won't call that hard, because I'm pretty much more fucked up than that. Emma, as I mentioned earlier ,is the best person to me, she's always there when I need her, always being such a friend but, yah know , her boyfriend is ....
Anyways, I shouldn't continue that sentence because you'll start being hard on me also, ah ,never mind I bet you're sick in the brain too. I'm fucking her boyfriend.
Three years ago, when Emma and I became 'besties' she's always told me, " I'll never choose a guy over you." I guess I misinterpreted that when I turned  16 and got wasted. Ever since then, I'm addicted to it and really can't get enough ,I don't have feelings for him but the sex is amazing. Again, don't judge me, you should've felt it. I bet if she knew she wouldn't even care anyways, she's been hooking up with girls anyways and I feel as if she's secretly a lesbian. I always felt like they had an open relationship, but who am I to even ask them for sure? So confusing, ah, you see what I'm talking about? My life is fucked up, I bet you believe me now.
You know, I've heard it a million times from my step mother that the truth sets you free, but when you're free , I feel like you're invaluable, you don't have standards, well at least I won't, because I'm not good at 'being free' ,I'd probably always need a little something to keep me feeling like I'm alive but really, I'm fucking dead inside. Besides, I don't even have enough guts to tell Jerome, Emma's boyfriend ,that I think she's a lesbian and I also think what we're doing is wrong.
   5:30am ,still up. Jerome texted me, "hey kaylie, are your parents home? I've been thinking about you, gotta have that body now." In my mind I'm thinking about how sexy he is and how my body couldn't resist ,it was so tempting so I replied saying, " get here now, I'm opening the back window."  He's living 5 minutes away from me, and you know what, I don't even feel bad anymore because I think I'm doing Emma a favor.
Ten minutes passes and he's not there yet, I started feeling impatient. Lust is one hell of a drug. My eyes began closing, finally , I hear a slight sound like sneaking footsteps. I opened my eyes and saw him approaching the window slowly and in my head , all I can think off is how much better he looks without clothes , I ran to my window and put my hand on his neck and leaned in and kiss him , tasting that flavor that I like so much. He pushes me away slowly and puts his foot over the window, entering my room. He breathlessly says "I had to walk , mum took my car away."  Honestly, I didn't care for a conversation with him , I only tolerated his presence for one reason and one reason only , the sex. I grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to my bed then pushed him on it and smiled saying ," do what you came here to do!"  As I gently enter my bed, getting on top of him, he kisses me once then pulls away and says ," Kaylie, I need to tell you something." I'm already so pissed by those lines, he's getting me really disturbed. What on earth could be more important than our sex, nothing. I looked at him confused and said, " what do you need to tell me hun?" He pushes me over to the side of him and starts talking , I didn't hear a word that came out of his mouth, as I was too busy fantasizing over him in my head ,but I quickly stopped after hearing the words, " I am in love with you. "  I immediately started freaking out, I rushed out of my bed and stood there looking at him trying to explain that he's crazy but the guy won't stop talking. I said, "okay, we'd talk about this after, can you just do what you came here for firstly?" He got up from my bed and came closer to me, " you're selfish, I'm leaving." I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad one , I pulled him by  the shoulders to face me, trying to make him stay. I leaned towards his lips and kissed him ,eventually putting my tongue to his, slowly and passionately. He pulls away ," I can't stay, you're no good for me anymore, I've been screwing you for two years and now I want more than that, I've fallen for you, and you don't care." I'm listening, not feeling a bit of sorry but I said, " Emma would kill you, get the fuck out!" He looks at me and shook his head ,depressingly leaving my room. I look at him and all I could think of how amazing it would've been, no, not us.. The sex.
Ahh.. I eventually fall asleep after all that drama and got up close to 11am , and there was Emma ,sitting on the ground opposite my bed. " Kays, we need to talk." My fucking eyes didn't even open properly yet , but look at that. I didn't even say anything , I just sat there, she said ," I'm breaking it off with Jerome, I've found someone new."
   " Oh good, who?" I said quietly , and then she cringed. I was so confused and irritated , I got off my bed and went to sit next to her on the ground. She looked at me and started crying ,stammering "Well , he found someone new actually." She started explaining on how much he meant to her , and about all the things they planned for themselves in the future, she said that it was 'true love' I rolled my eyes because true love can never be screwing the best friend but I didn't say anything. She started crying even more, telling me ," he said he's been sleeping with her for two years, and now he's finally in love with her!" I was so shocked, because knowing the kind of guy he is, he would never be so honest and revealing. I wasn't scared if he told her that the girl is me , because she always gets the hot guys anyways and I end up with the ones that are average , I didn't care about anyone else's feelings. As we were talking about it , I heard the sneaky footsteps , and there we saw Jerome by my window. Emma quickly turned around and opened it shockingly saying ," why the fuck are you here?" He looks at me and smiles, I'm feeling so awkward now. Before he had the chance to say anything , I say, " Emma, the girl that Jerome's been sleeping with is me, but don't worry, I have no feelings for him." Emma started screaming and she rushed outside my room and into the kitchen , Jerome and I stands there confused...she shows up back with two knives. I slowly raised my eyebrows and stepped back closer and closer to Jerome so I can jump out the window , she throws the knife at me with the pointed side facing my body... Before I could turn away , I felt a hot steam shock on my wrist then a burning feeling ..I screamed out ,"uhhhhh fuck!" Jerome quickly jumps into the room and gently grabs my hands, making sure my wrist didn't get slit off , then he turns around and walks up to Emma pulling the other knife away , she fights him down and manages getting it away from him. She puts the knife by her throat and says ,"do you love me?" Jerome stands there nervously sweating , and helpless while I'm on the floor with my wrist bleeding out. Jerome says, " don't do this Kaylie, don't." Emma pokes the knife more pressuring against her throat and then starts screaming really loud and pulls the knife to her hands and starts cutting her wrist deeply , Jerome gets pissed off, he pulls her towards him and kisses her passionately ,exactly the way I wanted him to kiss me. I'm bleeding but, I sense this weird feeling ,I'm .....jealous...but not of her, but him...and it felt so weird, I'm confused, I kinda wished she wasn't kissing him ,she could've been kissing ..... me..