Here's all the Pain you Caused.

Mirrors (poem)

I stare at my reflection in the broken mirror, what I see brings tears to my eyes, tears in which I drown in. Little sad drops of water running down my rosy cheeks. I wipe the blood off my lip into my arm, because I remembered how much she hated the sight of it. She cannot know you lay your hands on me and leave marks on my weak body, too. I caress the rainbows you punched deep into my skin, the only color in my black and white life. Purple, red and blue turns into green and yellow, and then they fade away, once again. I despise every bit of my body, I hate it because you painted the tragedy I try to hide inside my mind, on the outside. And I despise you even more because I fell in love with the pain, even though I know that's absolutely insane. It's the only thing that makes me feel like i'm alive. My body craves the agony, my body craves the way the thick warm blood runs down my shaking cold thighs. But the more I think, the harder it is to breathe. Clench my fists and count to 7, hold for 4 and release for 8. I grind my teeth together as strongly as I can, press my feet to the ground so I know that i'm standing, i'm alive. But am I alive? Do I want to be alive? I look into the mirror but the reflection doesn't look like me, that's not me. This is not real. I'm not scars, blood and bruises. Bloodshot eyes and heavy breaths, shaking knees and the fingerprints on that skin.
But,
Pain is the only thing that makes me feel like i'm alive. So I stop counting and I release my fists. Take a deep breath and dig my nails into my skin, run them up as I press my lips together to stop myself from making any noise, it's painful.
I'm alive, I think.