Love is Not But A Word.

1.

I opened the door to see him. Justin was standing in my doorway looking at me. It had been three weeks since we had broken up. Too see him broke my heart. I love... loved him, and he left me when I needed him the most.

"What do you want?" I said to him with anger and pain in my voice.

"Mak... I'm sorry. I really am. I miss you so much."

"You broke my fucking heart!" I start to close the door and he puts his hand on it. "Justin please."

"Mak... please hear me out." I look at him. I turn around and walk over to the couch and sit down. Justin comes in and closes the door behind him. "Listen, I still love you Mak."

"Justin you broke up with me when I needed you the most, you left me. I haven't been the same since. Look at me, look at this place!" Justin looks around to notice the house is in a mess and so am I.

"Mak I know I did, and I'm so sorry I did. But I am here now. I won't leave again, I promise." I look at him.

"Because of you Justin, I am a fucking mess!" I stood up and walked to the kitchen.

"Please Mak think about it? I love you." He got up and moved to where I was.

"And I loved you. in the past tense. Please leave my house." Justin starts to tear up. "You hurt me... not again." I walk to the door and open it. "Now please leave." He walked over to the door next to me.

"I do love you Mak." He leans over kisses me on the cheek. "Please call me or text me or something? Please."

"Bye Justin." He walks out the door and I close it behind him. I walk back to the couch and fall face down. Before I realized it, I started to cry. A few hours later I woke up. I feel asleep while crying. I'm such a bitch. I get up after a little bit and decided I need to clean up the house and stop being a sorry little bitch.

I start in the kitchen. Starting with whipping down the counters then doing dishes. So many dirty dishes. It took me hours to get the kitchen cleaned up. It was that bad. After I finished the kitchen I moved on to the living/ family room. This room wasn't as bad as the kitchen but still bad. It took about an hour for me to clean this part of this. Next I went to the bathroom upstairs, it smelt terrible. It smelt of shit, stale urine, and semen. It took me almost as long to clean the bathroom as it did the kitchen. My bedroom was next which was just about as bad as my kitchen and bathroom. It was mostly just clothing. I had been cleaning for hours. I had opened the windows, lit some candles and the house was finally starting to smell better than it did. With the windows open a cool breeze was blowing in. it was about one in the morning when I finally got into bed to go to sleep. Today has been a long stressful fucking day.

2.

By the time I woke up I was already late for school. Like three periods late. I reluctantly got up out of bed. I smelt awful. I went to my new cleaned bathroom and got in the shower. I thought about the time Justin and I had sex in the shower. It was one of my first times. I do miss him somewhat. Other than my mom, he was my everything. I still love him, but I can't let him know that.

I got out of the shower and went to go get dressed. I forgot I opened the window and I turned around to see my neighbor looking out her window, I was naked. I smiled a half-hearted sorry smile, and closed the window shut. I went t my closet and got dressed. When I went to put on my underwear I realized it was the underwear I stole from Justin. I took them off real fast and put on a different pair. I finished getting dressed and left for school.

When I got to school it was already half way through the fourth period. When I walked into class everyone looked at me.

"You are late again Mak."