toy box

I got the call around 3 and spent the whole evening crying. I couldn't blame my son for the fact he had killed all of his classmates. He had always been.....troubled for lack of a better word. His actions were....not exactly unexpected, but were troubling all the same. For me his mother thought the real tragedy was that he too had died.

I had always hoped that he would do...something to get him the help he needed. I had taken my soon to multiple counselors and psychologists, and all that came out of it was some anti-depression medication. They didn't seem to get it. 

*Thump, thump* I heard a sound up stairs. I ignored it still lost in thought. Where had I gone wrong as a parent. I mean sure his father isn't anything to be enjoyed but I always did my best. *Thump, Thump* There was the noise again. Noticing it for the second time piqued my interest even if only slightly. I decided to investigate if it continued and continued thinking about my failures as a parent. 

*THUMP THUMP*  Now the noise was far louder than could be expected. More important however was the fact that it was coming from behind my chair now. I turned around concerned. What I saw was one of my son's toys.  A ball with legs, and a pair of decked out goggles for a head. Some thing popped out of the "shoulders" of the ball creature. It appeared to be a sign. I squinted to read it. It said "wear me mom." I sighed even after his death my boy was playing games with me.

I paused debating whether or not to put on the goggles. The voice in my head was telling me that he had used his toys to murder all of his classmates. It was telling me not to do it. On the other hand however it was practically his last request. With great hesitation I reached for the ball creature, and raised the goggles to my  face.

My vision swirled and suddenly I was seeing things from the perspective of a camera watching my son work on some of his toys. I felt something go over my ears. I marveled at the picture before me. The working area was lit by a single lamp. The dark brown of the desk in contrast with the birch walls if the attic. He swiveled in his chair and turned to the camera.

"Mother" he said as though knowing what was to happen tragedy and a sliver of fear in his voice. "I- I can't take it any longer....any of it." He pauses for an uncomfortable amount of time clearly deep in thought. He lifts his head looking at the camera. More startlingly it felt as though he were looking directly at me.

"I-I'm done mom. I...Just can't anymore. No matter where I go, or what I try I just...don't fit in." He said tears rising in his eyes. "Listen I love you mom. Dad can go stick his limp dick in a radiator for all I care, but I love you. You have always tried to be there for me, and uh... I wanted to--to thank you mom." He sighs. "And to warn you. Though by the time you see this it is probably too late. " He looks down at the ground. 

"If your watching this I-I probably died during the execution of my plan. Truth be told I don't care any more. I just want you to know it is not your fault at all, and that I can feel my sanity slipping I will probably become an entirely different person by the end of this. This is probably my last time to say goodbye." Tears are now streaming down his face.

My vision is plunged into darkness expectantly. The words day 2 in green letters appear in the top left hand of my view. Now I am seeing my son once more. He is lying on a table unconscious a variety of mechanized contraptions and what appeared to be an operation table. He smiled, and held up a little mechanical eye ball. "This is so you can see everything mother," He said wide smile brimming.

He laid down on the table and strapped down his own head. fastened one arm and his legs. He stuck his final arm in a couplet and it closed automatically. My heart began beating rapidly. I  prayed he was not about to do what I thought he was going to do. I watched him just lay there for a few seconds. I began to relax the situation seemed to be going nowhere. I sighed and continued watching. 

Rather suddenly multiple mechanical arms appeared from above the camera's field of vision. On the end of each of the  arms were various tools. Some of which where things like scalpels and tweezers. others were so small all they looked like were small glinting dots. They lowered closer and closer to his face eventually coming inches away. I saw the muscles in his face tense up. the first scalpel came down to meet his face. His screams oh god his screams were so intense. then came the blood it spilled off the table drenching the floor. He arched his back and writhed in his place unable to move his head even an inch. 

Eventually the screams stopped as he slumped over unconscious. even without his screams the blood continued to flow. I tried to close my eyes only to find that I physically couldn't. Something in the goggles was stopping me from closing them. Suddenly as though going against my inner most wish  the camera lifted up. It glided over to a position looking directly. onto my cut open son's face. Seeing my son like that made my heat beat so fast that I passed out.