Once humble to my own divine, but I gave it all away. I threw myself and what I was worth away. I wasn't confident to live who I really was and who I really wanted to be. I sank the cold depths of the ocean waiting for the chance to once again have my own redemption. Now the story begins. The story of trial and error. A story of love. A story that you may be all to familiar with, but I assure that won't be the case as it has a twisted dark side to the manner of the situation. As it begins now remember how someone's life can quickly change in a blink of an eye. It could all change to something that only your wildest imagine could dream up. A possible day dream.
An unwitnessed crime is the same as a witnessed one. The same punishment happens to the innocent. A rounding realization of what life really is. Enough of this causes one to see the world as black and white. Forgetting how you can find joy from such a simple thing. Forgetting what it means to be human. To be human. To feel. A simple, yet puzzling and troubling confrontation of what goes on inside you. To leave your emotions is suicide. Once it is gone you truly only see the world in black and white. You don't want to forget and leave as you will pass by the moments of your life that truly matter. The ones that you may never see again.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the time when it all began. To reestablish myself to be true. To succeed when I failed to come to finding myself and realizations. A friend since told me everyone has something to say. Their own stories. Don't give up as it's up to you to finish the story.
I just don't know Jocelyn read the text before I sent it. sitting my phone on the bed I throw my head back onto a pillow the best had been getting to him. Florida during the summer didn't really love you. without the air-conditioning because they decided to open the windows when it was about 98° plus humidity. I never really understand them. I life my head up as I hear the bubbling sound of Skype. I look at my phone to see Jocelyn's face. "Hey." She stared at me as if she was trying to see what I was feeling through the camera. "Why don't you know Callan? People here don't judge as much as you think." Her sweet voice sounded sincere and her eyes affectionate. She wanted only the best for me. "I know I know you've told me, but I just don't know. I feel distraught. what if they you were wrong though?" A look of anger and hurt crossed Jocelyn's face. She put her face in her hands sighing. "Just trust me OK I assure you they don't please just tell. It's a lot better than sitting in your room depressed and saddened by the weight of your doubts." Her Brown eyes gave a look that was almost pleading I couldn't just say no to her. Sighing I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I'll think about it OK." She smiles and her eyes sparkle. "You won't regret it Callan. Just be you. You'll be happy." Closing Skype I couldn't help, but wonder. To be happy? Those three words kept repeating in my head. What does that really mean? To be happy? A puzzling phrase. Can someone actually be happy? Questions kept floating through my head. I'd rather die then preach what I believe. I rubbed my hands across my hazel eyes that were red. Under them were a darkish purple. I haven't sleep in a few days as troubled thoughts lead to troubled nights. Turning my music onto Black Veil Brides I lay my head down and close my eyes. Instead of dreaming I lay awake think of haunting chills. Thought of what would happen if I did exactly what Jocelyn told me to do. I need a shower to relieve myself. I picked myself off the bed and walked myself to the bathroom. Turning on the shower I let it heat up before I get in. I look into the mirror to see my black hair done up like Joey Graceffa. I see my starved body and give a frown. Shouldn't have ate dinner the other night. Removing my boxers I hop into the shower. Steam rode up into my face. An immediate sense of relief came over me. Tilting my head back I let the steaming water cascade down my body. Thoughts of everything left. I finally had a sense of happiness. Too bad it never stayed. After a few minute of just allowing the water to flow over my body I tilt my head forward. Water rushed through my hair removing any trace of gel and hairspray from my hair. Stepping out the shower the cold air stung my skin. Sighing I put my clothes on. Once in the room I laid on my bed. The first night in a long time I felt tired. I closed my eyes and began to think. Tomorrow might actually be a good day! The first one in a long time.
