Ocean.

Pain.

That was the only word that came into my mind after plunging into the dark abyss, the cold ocean engulfing me as I slowly waste away into the darkness. There was nothing much to see, other than the fading light above my head, my hand instinctively raising up to see if I could still swim up, but sadly, this was my last decision.

I close my eyes trying to have something to think about before drowning in this dark underworld. But, since I was unbelievably stupid, I think, there was nothing much to think about. Well, there was one thing.

You.

I had myself thinking about you and me. What's up? I would ask

No, no, you'd exclaim. You hate hearing me say that. And that's why I loved saying it.

Just one memory after another, they all come rushing back, making me wonder if my decision was a bad idea. I imagine, you'd probably wait for me at the porch, wondering when I'll come home.

But like I said, this was my last decision.

Telling you the truth, I think you're just waiting for your husband to come home, holding your baby boy,  having the perfect life you never knew you'd always wanted, forgetting the huge box of mistakes you "accidentally" made in this town, while I'm wondering,

Did you even love me in the first place?

Were you just using me?

It always seemed like it. Everyone noticed, except me.

And after a few years, he'll leave you, and you're going to wonder, why in the world did I throw my first love into a ditch? Then you'll look for me, not even giving a single damn if I had another important person in my life. Then you'd see my grave, weeping, saying you're sorry you left me, blah, blah, blah.

Then you'll just move on, and for the second time, forgetting that I had even ever existed. Again.

Ah.

It's getting really cold. I look at my hands for the last time, they were blue. What a coincidence, I love the color blue. They remind me of the sky. I'm sleepy. Stars are beautiful. They remind me of your eyes. I miss the sun. You are beautiful. I hate green. I'm tired.

I am so tired.

I close my eyes for the last time. The darkness swallows me up, until I can no longer do anything that involves breathing.

You were my everything.