If only I had said it sooner, would I still be suffering this incurable pain? Maybe yes? Maybe not? Maybe, who knows?Maybe, we could've had a better story.
But if I had said it sooner, it could've also ruined us. I was too frightened to risk what we had. I'd do everything just to keep what we had, even if it would mean seeing her with another man.
To see her flash a perfect smile makes my heart satisfied. Even if I wasn't the reason why she was happy. My only wish for her is to never shed a tear. 'Cause it hurts me a thousand times more seeing her in pain.
Every time we see each other, it makes my heart flutter. She would tell me stories about 'the guy she loved' all day. And I always say in my mind, "damn, he was so lucky to have her" for she loved him so much. I was happy for her, but inside my heart was bleeding.
But one rainy night, she came running to me while tears were streaming down her face. She said that she and her lover fought. It broke my heart when I saw her cry, yet I was so furious that time, it made me want to kill that guy who made her cry. But all I did was to give her a warm hug and comforted her all night. 'Cause I realized that she needed me that time, she need a shoulder to lean on.
I thought that night would be the last time that I would see her cry, but I was wrong. She changed, especially when her lover broke her fragile heart.
She would locked herself on her room and wouldn't talk to anyone. Her parents were so worried about her, so was I.
But then, one phone call made my heart beat very fast, I have never felt this feeling before. I didn't want to waste another second, I ran like I'll never run again. I wanted to be there quickly, to see if she's alright.
As I enter inside the house, All I could hear her was her parents' sob. What was happening? My head was filled with confusion. What did she do this time? Why are her parent's crying? Did she not touch her food? Or maybe she turned them down when they tried talking to her? A lot of possible answers popped inside my head, but to sum up my conclusions I slowly opened her door and as I take a step closer, my heart starts to beat faster and my chest becomes heavier. What does it mean?
She was nowhere to be found. Where could she be? She was not in her bed, nor at her study table. But then it hit me, there was only one place left where I didn't look. I prayed to the Lord, hoping that she would be inside before opening the door. This was my last hope, I just wish that I would find her here. My hands were shaking as I opened the door. I froze into my position and felt my knees shaking. Hot tears started to fall down from my eyes as I saw her lying on the floor, bleeding, and unconscious. I couldn't speak at that moment it was like my tongue was being pulled back.
I walked towards her and kneeled down on her level. I carefully picked her up and placed her on my lap, I hugged her really tight and burried my face on her forehead. But as I hugged her, I heard a sweet sound of hope.
She slowly opened her eyes and faced me with a weak smile. Oh, how could she look so gorgeous at this situation? "I'm okay, stop crying, aryt?" She whispered and laughed softly.
By those simple words, the tight feeling from my chest slowly faded. Happiness filled my frightful heart, seeing her alive was more than enough for me.
Just when I thought that everything was alright, another conflict came. Oh why can't my happiness be permanent or atleast last a little longer? "Please take care of yourself when I'm gone, thank you for being my best friend, I love you..." She said, then a tear escaped from her eye before closing them once again.
We tried, but we failed. We brought her to the hospital, hoping that they would find a way to save her. But it happened the other way around. We hoped to see a heart beating normal again, yet we got a heartbreaking flat line. One line that made my whole world stop. One line that made me want to kill myself.
Never ending tears started to burst out, I have never cried like that in my whole life. And up till now, every time I reminisce all my memories about her, my river of never ending tears starts to flow again.
In just a blink, I've lost my whole world, I've lost her, she was my everything, even though I was just part of her world. She was and will always be my priority. She was my first and only love, even if I was only her best friend.
Living without her kills me every single day. I miss her sweet laugh, her genuine smile, her angelic face, and her golden heart. Why did you leave me? I wanted you to fight for me, but I guess I wasn't enough to be a reason, for you to fight.
I know that you're happy now, and that's alright even if it shattered my heart into pieces. I hope you're not crying there, 'cause I won't be able to wipe your tears.
If only I had enough courage to say my true feelings for you, maybe, this wouldn't have happened. If only I had said those simple three words and eight letters, maybe, you could've been my queen forever.
I'm too tired of suffering this endless pain. I hope when we see each other again he wouldn't be the one owning your heart anymore. 'Cause I wouldn't be wasting that second chance.
I smiled before closing my eyes. I'll see you soon, milady.
