Ember's Cupid

Chapter 7

"Have you ever thought that they trying to hurt us. They are acting as if our lives have never existed because we mean so little." My voice became bitter, along with my own thoughts. I felt hurt and betrayed at my own opinion, but why? "Who are they?" August turned her head to question me as she emphasized one word. "They are the... upper power, the dictator, the one to control our system." The look on her face made me feel the pain of regret.

So many questions had risen since my time as a cupid came. "Can we die?" August spoke with such curiosity that it made me cringe. I faced the circle of cupids and think of the question that was asked. "Other than shooting an arrow at a normal human that hasn't fallen in love yet, could we die?" She repeated her own question, I pierce my lips together and a shiver was sent down my own spine. "No... we can feel the pain of death but we cannot die." As my head hung low I could feel Chase's eyes on me. He knew what I was thinking; he knew what this conversation brought to my mind.

My thoughts spin to my second year, days after I lost Mason to Chase. "You can do it, he won't know until it is too late. Will it be too late? I need to test my theory! Can I die?" I whispered to myself as I sat in my chair trying to convince myself to go through with my actions. A long, sharp, thin blade laid flat on the table with my own reflection in it. Deeply I exhaled waiting to muster up enough courage to do what I had imagined. Silently I pick up the knife and place the tip at my throat. "It will be quick and painless." I repeated as I dragged the blade across my own skin. I felt ever crevice digging into my body and the pain became immense. Slowly then all at once my neck stung, I felt every second of this. My throat became dry as the blood trickled from my own neck. Placing gauze on my cold skin, I sigh. "Very displeasing..." My conclusion was true, we could not die.

"Embrena... Where are you?" Chase screamed as he searched my home. "Embrena, what are you doing?" Pulling the knife from my shaking hand, Chase shouts. It was only a test, it was only to see if I could actually do it, and there was no meaning. But... deep down I truly knew that I was only lying to myself. I broke; tears were pouring down my face as my lip quivered, my breath became quick and I felt my throat closing. Uncontrollably I shook; it felt as though it was unstoppable I began to blubber nonsense.

"I can't... I am so tired... He is dead... He isn't coming back! I can't... I really can't! I used to be normal, I used to be natural, and now..." With the end of every word my voice cracked; sobbing I soon became a mess. "Now that he's gone you doubt yourself? Pull yourself together! You are a mess; I can't believe my opinion of you was wrong." His words only made my heart hurt worse. Was he purposefully trying to be brutal? Was this tough love? "Before we were turned into... this... I knew you... I put you on a pedestal. I thought you were perfect!" This information was not new, back in high school Chase was there.

What he saw was my mask; to me Chase was only one of my peers, who had never truly known me until our cupid day had risen. My feelings were different than his... I was so much more than just a peer. "Look at what you've become! You are nothing! You're an empty shell, I can't believe my sights. I had a crush on a strong independent woman not this." He screamed at me, I felt so hated; I hadn't known what came over me yet I spoke. "No! Who allowed you to tell me that I am wrong? Who brought you to the conclusion that you are the one to judge my emotions?" With attitude behind my own voice I angrily, yet freely expressed my inner thoughts. Processing my words, Chase then smugly sat on the cold tiled floor.

"You don't have the right to tell me that it was tough love. You don't have the right to tell me that you were trying to build my confidence. You have no right; you were not allowed to say this to me! Never treat me like that again; no matter if I am down or not. I judge myself, you do not!" Strongly I spoke and after everything was said Chase and I sat in silence. "So we can't die..." Finally he asked the dreaded question. "No, we can't... though we can still feel the pain of death." Death... was it as blissful as others imagined? Was it all that we had dreamt? Just the painful process of dying and then we are in paradise. Is that real; has it ever been?