Hello December

Today is December 1, 2016. We are just past the last New Moon of autumn and our year is coming to a close. The weather has gotten a bit cooler and the sun has been hiding a bit more lately, but thankfully still around enough to remind us it's there. We've had a beautiful year and there is so much to be thankful for. We are quite fortunate, and for those of you who may not be feeling as fortunate I am here for you. Take a deep breath, let go of all of it with your exhale—release all the crap, and prepare to move forward. We can do this together, whatever it is. Just do it. And now is a great time to start.

Frank's mining season is ending very well! We are looking forward to a relaxing and enjoyable winter. This will be our time to join forces so when the next mining season begins Frank won't have to worry as much about the office aspect of the business and he can focus all of his energy toward mining (which on a good day he can spend up to 12 hours breaking, moving, and fondling rock—it's important to be gentle when removing those beautiful formations from the earth). This will also be my time to create. I currently am enjoying my hobbies of cooking and cleaning and homemaking (can homemaking be a hobby??) and reading and writing and meditating. But what's my next project? I have a feeling it might reveal itself soon.

This is our final moon cycle of the year. Don't waste your time thinking about winter when it hasn't even arrived yet, spend your minutes in the moment of this beautiful final cycle of our year. Think about everything you've accomplished and maybe some of the things you wanted to accomplish but never got around to. Aim to get any of those unfinished things done now or accept that the time isn't right for those things and move on to what you want to accomplish now. So what's my project going to be? I plan on reading a collection of Walt Whitman works, I'm pretty excited about that. I have more organizing to do around the house. I'd like to go through everything in the basement. It's not too much, but it's in the basement...you know how often we get into our basements. Our home has come together nicely since May when we moved in. The basement is all that is left! A goal for this year was to find a new home, and we did it. Another goal for this year was to be happy with my work. As I'm reflecting on this past year, I just found this piece I wrote back at the end of March:

"I am just at the beginning of my journey. I am just learning how to live the life I really want. I struggled to learn the true meanings of love, self-esteem, ego, listening, learning, letting go, being, and did I say love? I was looking over at my cat, Delano, for that one. He has been with me on this journey since its first awakening. I appreciate all of what is life. Currently I am working a type of job I do not like. The work isn't so bad. It's everything else that goes along with it. The time-clock—that I have no control over, the rules, the policies, the owner that has no face or meaning to me, the lack of passion in the mission statement of the company. I don't like these types of jobs. I have had four of them: McDonald's, Advance Auto Parts, Hannaford, and M&T Bank. Other jobs I've held were: Recycling Technician in my dorm building...this one wasn't too bad, but it broke my heart to think about the destruction of this Earth, Teaching Assistant for a Professor of Psychology, and a Research Assistant to the same Professor of Psychology. She was the first person who I encountered that may have seen something in me. I was too afraid to open myself to opportunity (and I didn't know how to). I was afraid of this unknown relationship. A relationship where someone actually knows a little about me. I also bar tended at six bars within a six-year span. Those were all fine jobs. But none of them are what I believe to be the path of happiness for me. And I believe I should live my path of happiness to its fullest. I am just learning to believe this.

A lot of this has to do with bravery. I was brave enough to leave the job I had held for fourteen years. I am quite a bit happier now. But I see the underlying truth now that the dirt has been brushed away. I am not meant to work in this type of atmosphere. I am a strong worker. I love organization and making people happy. What am I waiting for? I'm not sure. I'm waiting for an out. And sometimes, we aren't given an out, we have to make our own. So, I'm trying to figure out my out. It's like getting out of a destructive relationship and starting a new healthy one, only to realize that you don't need a better relationship—you need to be single. But how to be a "single" in the work field is what I need to figure out. Is that what it means to be "freelance"? But what would I freelance? My writing? My cleaning? My cooking? All of it? My life? A freelance lover of life?

My ideal morning: I wake up between 7am and 9am. I drink some water, freshen up a bit, and get ready for my morning run. I run between 1 and 5 miles, depending on where I am in my pace. I get home and Frank is up and getting ready to begin yoga. We do our morning yoga routine and have breakfast together. He gets ready for the gym as I shower and pick up a little around the house. After he heads out I begin to work, whether it's on his business, my writing, or the plans for our business. He gets home from the gym and we go on about our day however it emerges itself.

Now, the question is, how badly do I want this to become my reality?

Believe it and you'll see. I must truly believe this is the life I'm living and I will begin living that way.

I'd like to start selling stuff at farmer's markets. Veggies, baked goods, snacks, recipe book, chapbook, crystals.

Maybe walk dogs or clean houses.

I'm definitely running and writing every day.

Follow your bliss.

Meditate on what makes you happy. Learn to be happy in this moment. Meditate on this moment being what makes you happy.

Mine is to keep writing."

Well folks, I did it. I bought a book three years ago called "Wishcraft How to Get What You Really Want" (which I never continued reading and just might add to my winter reading list). One of the exercises in the beginning of the book encourages you to sketch out "Your Ideal Day". I tried to do it every once in a while and this year when I wrote that back in spring it must've really sunk in. For the longest time I was trying to find a job that was fitting for me, where I could express my greatest capabilities. Since I graduated from Oswego...just over six years ago, I've been searching. At first I was trying to simply get a full time position so I could have health insurance and enough money to start paying off my college loans. Then I got that...just under a year after graduating...at the same job I had been working at for almost ten years. Now what? I wanted to save money to go to grad school. Saving money and paying off student loans don't go very well together, especially when all I wanted to do was hang out with friends. I was 28, single, college grad with a full time job, and totally clueless to what I wanted to be doing with my life. It wasn't until I began to settle down around 31,32 (2-3 years ago) that I began making moves toward my masterpiece. I may not have been sure of what I wanted that to be, but I was beginning to realize what I didn't want it to be. I didn't want it to be doing what I was doing then, so I decided to look for something new. I tried so hard to find something, like I said, where I could express my greatest capabilities (now that I was beginning to discover them), but nothing was coming. I applied for many jobs that I never heard back from and had a few internal interviews thinking that at least getting away from my current work environment may bring some fresh oxygen into my life. But nothing came. Eventually I took a friend up on an offer to work at a bank, which was something I had always wanted to do. It was fun and a great way to move forward without much risk, but it still wasn't where my masterpiece was going to come from. And I still was struggling to save money. I finally decided that figuring out where my masterpiece was going to come from is more important than paying off my student loans, so I quit my job. With many thanks to my live-in boyfriend who is supporting me while I support him from home with his business. So now here I am, unemployed and happier than ever. The Freelance lover of life.

It's been just over two months and I couldn't have picked a better time to do this. I have had some time to unwind and winter is the perfect season to put the past behind you and prepare for the future. The year is coming to a close and we have a fresh start coming around the corner! It's one of the most exciting times of the year. It's masked very well by the commercialization of Christmas, but if you look past that at what winter truly represents then you can gear up, buckle in, and settle down for "a long winter's nap". I highly recommend being active outdoors. I've read that we should get outside for at least two hours a day and I struggle with that. Get outside when you can, even if it's just for a walk around the block, but if you can get in those two hours or more, go for it! But other than that, make sure you are relaxing. Winter is a time for solitude, quiet, and inner reflection. Winter solstice is less than three weeks away and these last few weeks of autumn really confuse people and tend to make winter feel much longer. Daylight hours are getting shorter but once winter finally does begin, our days will begin to feel longer! YAY!! Until then, embrace the last of our autumn energy and get ready for a comfortable, cozy, miraculous winter.