The End of Your Song

Chapter 14 - Reconciliation and Evasion

"May bisita ka", masayang ani ate Rose, kasalukuyan akong nasa duyan sa likod bahay noon. "Sino?", tanong ko sa kanya, medyo nainis ako kasi naistorbo niya ang flow of thought ko. Ginagawa ko ang assignment ko sa Tax, life must go on eh, so kahit broken-hearted ako, I'm still required to do assigmments.

"Eh sino pa?, di yung dahilan ng pamumugto ng mga mata mo sa umaga. Mukhang hindi ka natiis, sumuko din", sabay kindat niya. "Si Matthew?, bakit di mo pina-pasok?", muntik na akong mahulog sa duyan, biglang bumilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko, is he coming back to me?, or is he saying goodbye for good? "Pinag-hintay ko sa may gate, bayad sa pagpapa-iyak niya sa iyo", pairap na sagot ni Ate Rose. Sa ibang pagkakataon, matatawa ako sa kanya, for her loyalty, but I have other concerns right now.

Nagulat na lang kami nang papunta na si Matthew sa amin. "Oh, bakit pumasok ka na?, sabi ko maghintay ka muna sa gate", naka-pamewang pa si Ate Rose. "Pinapasok ako ni Lola", alanganing ngiti si Matthew nang sumagot. Umirap kunwari si Ate Rose sa kanya, pero narinig kong bumulong nang madaanan niya si Matthew, "dapat nagdala ka ng flowers, pang-peace offering".

Tumigil si Matthew sa paglakad nang malapit na siya sa lamesang bakal, naka-pamulsa siya. "Hi", he gave me a tentative smile. Pumayat ata siya, haggard ang mukha, parang nag-overtime ng isang buwan. Sabado ngayon, the last time we saw each other was last Sunday, it's been a long five days. Ang unfair lang kasi kahit mukha siyang nag-mature, lalo pa siyang naging attractive. AJ, control yourself, this guy will either make you happy or will break your heart completely.

"Hi", tipid kong sagot, I didn't smile, I'm hoping for a poker face, not sure if na-achieve ko yun. "Parang galit si Ate Rose", again, tentative smile. "She loves me a lot, and will fight for me", I carelessly replied. Hah!, may parinig dun, siguro naman na-gets mo yun?

Tinamaan naman ata siya, I saw pain in his eyes, "I'm sorry...I was a fool. I kept on telling myself that you lied to me, even though I know you didn't", his voice was shaky. Bibigay na ata agad ako, kumapit akong mabuti sa duyan, para lang di ako biglang tumalon papunta sa kanya. "The truth is...I'm just afraid to face the thought that it could have been me, instead of Lance. If he took his chance then, maybe it's me who has to bear the pain of loving you from a distance", his eyes are shiny, are those tears?

Okay, other girls will probably tell me I'm stupid, that I'm weak, that I should make him suffer...but I can't help myself. You know how those eyes can undo any resolve I have, right? Tumayo ako sa duyan, nilapitan ko siya (pigil na pigil ko ang sarili ko na takbuhin siya). He grabbed me and embraced me so tight, I did the same, I don't want to let go either. He sobbed while holding me, my vision is blurred by my own tears.

Pumunta kami sa aming duyan, our special place, we sat and looked at each other. He gently traced my face with the back of his index finger. "I missed you so much", he's smiling now, though medyo paos ang boses. My handsome, loving, protector...he is also vulnerable, but I love him more for it. "I missed you, too. Akala ko, you're giving up on us", maluluha na naman ako, pero pinigilan ko. We need to talk, and we can't talk properly if I'm such a cry-baby.

He took my right hand, clasped it tightly, "I thought I will...ang dami kasing pumasok sa utak ko, naguluhan ako. I have no right to blame you, tama ka, how could you have known?, nobody said anything to you. I was mad at Lance, pero bakit nga ba?, for loving you first?, for letting me have my chance at you, because he didn't take his? I was also mad at Patrick, because he kept quiet?, for wanting me to be happy and for keeping Lance's trust?".

His eyes never left mine, I was hanging to every words he utterred, I missed him, I missed his voice, I missed every part of him. "Pat made us talk, or he will go to the elders daw---kina Papa, Mama, Kuya Jem, pati daw sa Mommy niya", he smiled at the memory of it. Ini-imagine ko din kung anong itsura ni Pat nang pinilit niya ang Tito at nakata-tandang pinsan niya na mag-usap, it probably took a lot of guts on his part. "That was the most mature thing I have ever seen him do, I thought puro kalokohan lang ang nasa isip niya", his old smile is returning now.