Me, you, us,them

Loving a psycho

****based on real persons life****

His name. His real name is kai. Kai james. I won he's love, his everlasting love. He gave me his heart his dark twisted heart. I thought he was amazing. Most would call him insane, evil, a killer. I mean he was, is all those things but to me they were what make him perfect. I'd been lost in what people wanted me to be and who people thought I was never knowing what I was and he showed me that, with hum I could be me. But now I'm trapped by his glare, a prisoner of our memories, cursed by the way his lips tasted on me. I thought I'd let him go, that the torture was over, I was wrong.

My story is simple. My name is Jane. Well that's the name he gave me. My real name is skyla. I've always been different to other people. I was different when I was a child, other kids played mums and dads, me i played hunters and hunted. I didn't have it easy as a child either. My father abused me in the most terrible way. My mother tried to help me but she couldn't always be there. From when I was only a year and a bit old he harmed me, not only physically but physiologically. And when I was 9/10 my older brother got too close to me I didn't know what he wanted till it was done. I never told anyone out of fear. When I was 10 my father left us for a whore he would fuck with behind our backs. A year latter my older brother left too. It was just me and my mum. I started hurting myself for years, almost dying several times. When I was 17 I met him. And I fell. Fell hard. We loved and lost. We fought so much. Before him I had a few boyfriends. Some were only after one thing, I wish I knew that then. But him. He was different I know he wanted it but he also wanted me and was willing to remove sex from it if it meant he could keep me. We were a strange couple. He helped me find who I was helped me embrace my problems helped me gain control. I know he also made me crazy but no more than I already was. When I was 18 he was 19 we went to the woods I took him to a place we could be alone. We sat talking, kissing, snuggling close. His body warm against mine. He smelt, well I don't really know how to explain it he smelt sweet but the sour kind of sweet, like edible, I know I'm making no sense but you'll understand one day, maybe. One moment we're talking, then next thing I know I'm straddling him, our hips entwined and he's pulling me into a kiss. A warm, passionate his lips soft against mine, his tongue playfully playing with mine. His hands gripping my waste. Then he's on top of me, owning me, like a hunter to its prey. Our lips not departing. I steal the breath from his mouth as I moan. That day everything changed.

There were some complications later on. My mum and him didn't see eye to eye, it made it impossible when someone tried to make me think he was using me. I should of known back then he wasn't maybe if I did I wouldn't be here now. I lost it completely. But we fixed it. And then it happened again. This time I broke. I ran from it all.

Now when I lay down at night I feel him watching me when I close my eyes I feel him holding me. When I look at you I see him staring back at me. When I kiss your lips I can taste him. And when I can't tell you I love you it's not because I don't it's because I can't remember how to love. And when I leave you, you realise I was never really with you.

So don't ever let a psychopath love you and don't ever love one.