I try to let go, to stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, but nothing works. I replay moments that I wish I could change moments that haven't happened but feel like they have. I feel the emotion of each moment as if it we're happening.
It hurts, there is so much pain. I wish it would stop. I wish I could be happy again but was I ever happy. It feels like I was never happy even as a child. I only remember the bad. I remember fighting with my gran, and the constant fighting with my parents and siblings or them yelling at me because I did something "wrong". I really think they don't love me, they probably wish they never had me or wish that they gave me away when I was born. I'm not worth the trouble I never will be and I'm kind of okay with that.
