"Don't forget me, I love you, I will always be with you Don't forget me". That voice echoed through my thoughts but no image to go with the voice. It haunts me. It teases me, on something I know nothing of. I am in the dark stars with sound. I want to hear the sound of something else them my own loneliness. I want to know what's out there and who this person is. Do they hold the key to me? the missing puzzle to my past or who I could be? Was I good, was I smart and was I loved?
I see words but can't understand them. Family. father, mother. What does it mean? A bunch of odd letters making a strange foreign word with no meaning. What if it meant so much more?
My eyes open and I look around to see if someone was whispering in my ear, that they loved me. Only to realize it was just a dream not a reality. The dream to have family or the fact that somewhere in this vast universe someone loves you unconditionally. Can the word family have such a meaning? Or is it foolish belief of mine. How foolish am I to believe that I would awake to find the person telling beside me whispering in my ear, that it wasn't all lie, it wasn't all a dream. I want to believe, tell myself that I am not alone and someone even loves me but I can't confuse reality with the truth that is flashing before my very eyes. Perhaps this illusion I crave to be true. The thought of someone loving me and telling me so was all a lie that I want to be true. I am like a moth drawn to the light of this illusion. I really want it but is it enough for it to be something real? Have I only been wishing on stars?
I have a strange feeling, unsure what it is, maybe its doubt or expectations of someone coming for me. It's unreal how much I want this person, I don't know who they are or what they have done but something inside of me is reaching for the unknown of this person. How unusual that I want something that might not even be real, a figment of my imagination. Where my heart and soul are alive together. Where the night sky meets the sun. Though they are still alone even if they pass each other. Souls lost in the empty void.
My tablet is my way to that belief. It makes my imagination come to life through drawings, but no real life other than me. It only alive on paper and inside my head. I would wish on a million stars to have someone but here I am all alone. Drawing of endless sky and wonders of nature or anything I desire will come to be in the environment of mine.
Is it wrong to wish to not be alone? Is it selfish of me wanting to know? I want to say that I am not all alone but that is a lie too. Could I be deceiving myself into this desire of mine? A dream that will lead to my downfall?
If I didn't have my tablet the loneliness would have consumed me. I feel as I am the black hole, no reason to exist and all alone somewhere in the deep unknown. This feeling is so cold and heartbreaking. Almost like I am drowning and no one will notice me vanish, disappear forever. Just a last gasp in the cold wind.
Lost and unknowing to anyone else. Here I am all alone and no star or wish can change that.
YOU ARE READING
The Forth Wall
FantasyRin cannot remember the world that she left behind. With only a tablet she controls a world that she owns Alone. With no memory of anything beyond her tablet, she discovers that there is more, to everything and to her.
