Beyond repair

dark room

It's 3:38am and I am still awake, I am caged by the darkness of my room. The only source of light is coming from a street light out my barred window beside my bed. The light can faintly reach the dark corners. The darker the room, the better. No one can see me.  I've been staring up my ceiling since I came to bed, I shouldn't be up, I need to be resting but I feel empty. More than often, I get up to look out the window, nothing but dark clouds fill the night covering the moon. It's gonna be the first day of school an the thought of it in a few hours makes me aggravated, I'm gonna be alone once again. I don't have friends, but honestly I never really had ''friends''. The last time I had an actual ''friend'' was in middle school. But once high school came; everything changed between us. We stopped hanging out, less texting, she started making new friends, ignoring me. Sometimes when I think of her I miss her, she was the only real friend I ever had. But I guess middle school is in the past and so was ''friends'' I grew out of all that. This is my last year of high school before heading off to college or if I even head to college. All I know is I have to leave this hell, no more pain, no more broken cries at night. I've been working under the table for months with one of my family members at a auto shop changing car oil. If SHE ever found out I've been saving money she'll take it and use it for drugs, for her and her boyfriend.

Before I go to lay in bed I look at the time, 3:56am flashes on my alarm clock in red. Ughh I can feel the damn thing mocking me. I should go to sleep, after school I have to work anyway. I try not to make so much noise as I go to lay in bed, my baby 'brother' stays in my room. Laying next to him I shut my eyes and drift away to sleep.

A Loud beeping noise  fills my room. I quickly reach over turning it off, hopefully Aidan doesn't wake up. I groan while sitting up on my bed, my head in my hands. Soon enough I sit on the edge of the bed and look at the time 5:40am. I hardly slept, but I have to go. Time for me to get up I guess, I stand and walk across the hall to the bathroom. stopping in front of the bathroom mirror. I eye at the dark eyed girl in front of me, god why do I look like that.

I have short dark hair, walnut skin, and scars in more places that I can count, the funny thing is I never caused some of the scarring. I look at myself in disgust and walk away. Taking my clothes off I hop in the shower. Turning the knob letting the hot water hit me face first, 'hmm it feel so good that I could stay in here forever'.

By the time I got out it was already 6:03am, I feel so refreshed. I head back to my room to pick out some clothes. I choose some old ripped jeans that look two sizes to big, a grey jacket, and a pair of warn out converse. I don't bother looking at my mirror, I could careless of how I look. Looking over I see Aidan still sleeping. Walking over to him I kiss his forehead and whisper "I love you". I walk down stairs to get a little snack, or if there is anything too snack on.

Walking into the kitchen I try my best to be quiet and not make any sound, but being the clumsy ass person I am, I end up tripping over something in the process. ''ughh'' I groan in pain, I get up and brush it off. " the hell did I trip on?" I look behind me and it's my baby brother Aiden's favorite toy. It's a little stuffed blue monkey with a tiny banana attached to his hand, I really hope no one heard that. Packing some waters, and chips I hear someone coming down stairs, I get scared and grab the first thing I see.

Once I realize it's my little brother I put down the object, easing my gaze I walk towards him.

'' Hey there little man.'' I say kneeing down to level his height."Are you okay, I heard a loud noise.'' he tells me while rubbing his eye. I smile '' Yeah, I'm alright baby boy.'' looking at me, eyes barely open he clasps his arms around me hugging me as if it's really me in front of him. I hug him back tightly reassuring him. Picking him up I head up the stairs to put him to bed "jay" he says drowsy " yeah buddy?" I lay his head on my shoulder "I love you Jay, please be safe" he says heavy-eyed, I smile "I love you too always".

Finally leaving the house, I make my way to the bus stop. I check to see the time 6:26am, the bus should be coming any minute. I think to myself where the hell is this damn bus, It's 6:40am and the bus still hasn't arrived yet. On my watch it rings 6:55am, and as always the bus shows up late, but in all honesty I really don't mind. It's 7:25am and thankfully I arrived just on time. I attend Raven lock high school, we're best none for our mascot. That's right you named it, the raven. cliche, but it works. walking these halls for four years have given me a reason to not even make friends anymore, everyone is so God damn fake. when they talk it even feels like you can see past their crap.

I entered my first block, and immediately spot a open seat in the far back corner. Sitting down the bell rings and the teacher begins class. "Good morning class. I hope, you had a good summer vacation. I am Mr.Grayson, and I will be your English teacher from here on out." he says with a broad smile looking at the class.

Mr.Grayson looks young for his age. I'm guessing he's in his mid or late 20's he's tall, olive skin, very muscular. he's wearing a white long sleeve dress shirt with black pants and tie, he has light brown eyes, with some facial hair, a young leonardo type of haircut and undercut to go with it. Overall he's handsome.

Throughout the whole class period he goes on about what he has planned for the year, the type of class work we'll be doing, the same thing every year. Our first assignment he gave us was to write about " How do you feel, when you see yourself in the mirror" and all I can think to write on the paper is 'oblivion'. And so I spend all class sitting at my desk with the word, oblivion on my paper.

Soon second period ended, and I head straight to the library during my lunch time. I've always adored the library, so many stories and books unopened. touched by none, just waiting to be noticed and read. As I am trying to pull my lunch from my bag I accidentally bump into someone falling spilling my lunch everywhere, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean too!" I say gathering my spilled food from the floor.

I felt a gentle hand against mine "Hey calm down, don't worry."He says gesturing his hand to pick me up. I decline picking myself up, looking up I noticed it's Mr.Grayson. Oh no it's a teacher "I am s-so sorry M-Mr.Grayson I didn't realize it was y-you." My voice is stuttering "Are you alright? And don't worry not even a scratch on me." I feel something warm coming from my face but I don't acknowledge it till he points it out "Oh my, you're bleeding." I look down an see blood dripping down from my nose."Come, I'll get you cleaned up." I look to him "But I spilled my food I need to clean it up" I sound like I'm about to cry. He looks worried at me and say "Don't worry I'll tell the custodian, just come with me and I'll clean". I look down in embarrassment holding my nose with my hand "I'm sorry Mr.Grayson." with sadness in my eyes as we walk the halls to his classroom.