Love hurts

Window

Camila pov
"Camila it's 11p.m, turn off your computer and go to bed" my mom called out from behind my bedroom door.

"Ok" I replied lazily

Pressing my finger to the golden ring at the top of the keyboard, holding it there until the computer sang its little tune before going dark. I slowly pulling myself out of my desk chair and walked across my bedroom, I flicked the light switch and the room was instantly cast into darkness. pacing over to the window, and as quietly as I could I slid it open. The cold winter breeze gently crept into my room, greeting my skin with a slightly stinging kiss, one that had a calming sensation of familiarity.

I turned my attention to the sky and the beautiful white pearls that were sprinkled across it. The stars have always brought me comfort, in times of hardship they were always there. They never judged me or shamed me for who I was. They sat there and listed to me, my rants, my pain. My stories. They probably know me better than my best friend.

I snapped back to reality and turned my thoughts away from my past back to the black abyss above me. The moon was full causing it to rain its glowing white light down at the quiet street in front of me. The stars were particularly vivid that night, shining brighter than the night before. My eyes traced the sky in search of any shapes that may be hidden in the mess, but all I could see were 2 sparkling green eyes. The ones that cloud my thoughts and invade my dreams.

The serenity of the moment was shattered by the loud revving of a motorbike. A silver and red motorbike carrying a dark figure dressing in all black cruised down the street before parking in the driveway opposite to mine. The engine roared one last time, the sound booming across the peaceful estate, then abruptly died down. Its owner gently dismounted the bike and effortlessly removed their helmet. My breath caught in my throat.

Lauren Jauregui.

She held the helmet to her hip with her left hand while using the right one to fluff out her silken hair. Turning in her step, Lauren made her way up to her front door, opened it and stopped dead in her tracks making me frown slightly.

Then almost as if she felt my gaze, she spun around looking straight up to my window, I unceremoniously stumbled backward's, tripped over my schoolbag before falling on top of it. I stayed perfectly still, refusing to move until I knew she was gone and after what seemed like an eternity I heard her front door close.

I climbed to my feet, rubbing the bottom of my back. I knew I would be nursing a bruise tomorrow morning. Reaching the window I gave one last glance to the Jauregui house before closing it, followed my the curtains. Crawling into bed I pulled out my phone and opened Instagram and typed in the name that will surely be the death of me.

Lauren Jauregui.

A long list of girls popped up, some were pretty, but none could match the brown eyed beauty I was looking for. After a couple more swipes I finally saw the lauren I was looking for. I clicked on her profile and was confronted by her profile picture.

It is no doubt one of my favorite photos of her. She has her hair tied in a low pony tail and is making the cutest pout.

As I scolled down through the pictures my heart began to swell, the sheer sight of her divine elevin beauty filled my heart with both joy and sadness.

I felt blessed to know such an amazing being, her features could make an angle swoon, but her soul could make them question there allegiance to the lord. She was so absolutely perfect because she wasn't.

She was human and she made sure you knew it. Never hiding behind false pretences of herself, she was straight forward. If she made a mistake she admitted it and if she deserved recognition she fought for it, and although having a bad girl look, respect, understanding and unconditional kindness sweeped out of every single one of her actions.
Every time she stood up for someone you could see it in every detail of her face that she was doing it out of the goodness of her heart.

I like to belive that the reason her eyes are so captivating is because so is her soul.

"The eyes are the window to the soul" after all.

But all of this, all of her. Only made it that much clearer that we would never be together.

Not because she isnt into girls, no she came out as bi years ago. Which honestly just hurt more, I really wish I could say its because "oh well, she deosnt swing that way" but no. It was simply because she deserved better than me.

Good people deserve great things and for someone like Lauren Jauregui to date a girl like would be an insult. With her looks and killer body, I'm would look like a toad in comparison. Not to mention the 0 sex-appeal I possess, we would have no love life.

Not to meantion the most important fact: she would never date me in the first place.

The sudden influx of thoughts was taking my mind to a dark place, the same one I go to every night.
I reached up to scratch my nose only to realize I had been crying silent tears. I scrambled to sit up, and wiped my dull eyes dry.

My attention was grabbed a loud ping from my phone.

*Lauren jauregui liked your picture*
*Lauren jauregui: You look so cute
it's not even funn-*

A smile broke across my face like a ray of light. Maybe we'll never happen but that deosnt mean I cant still love her.

Was that healthy, probably not.

Sorry for the angst