The Suicide Project

Intro

  Everyday I see those girls. You know, the ones who are blonde haired,blue eyed, thin, and pretty as a picture. I always longed to be one of those people, no matter how someone protests that their life isn't as great as it seems.

Because any life would be better than mine.

I grew up with abusive parents, addicted to alcohol, which is the very reason that we got poor. Yet, even as I grew mature enough to understand what was happening, they still continued. The only reason I was still alive was because my grandmother committed her life to taking care of me, until she died, leaving me back again with my parents. If things don't go their way, they hit me. And not just a few slaps either. They beat me with a belt until bruises are all over my body and then throw me in the attic, which is technically my room.  

It doesn't have much in it, frankly because 90% of my parents income is from my great uncle's money combined with my grandmother's. The other 10% would probably be the job of my dad's brother, Randy, who knows about my situation and visits us every so often to give my dad an envelope full of money. However, he gives me a separate envelope to pay things like electricity and water bills, food, rent, and just living supplies. Randy even offered to take me off my parents hands, but they refused. 

They probably need someone to take their anger on.

I always look forward to whenever Randy comes, but as much as he knows about how my parents are drunks and never work, he doesn't know about the abuse I face every single day. I feel uncomfortable whenever he asks about how I get hurt, and I often lie to him and wear full sleeved shirts and long jeans to cover my wounds.Somehow, Randy always catches it and takes me to his lovely wife Anne, who is like a mother figure to me, and she cleans my wounds. They both know I'm hiding something, and are very suspicious, but I know not to tell anyone.  

My dad threw me in the attic one day, and warned that if I told anyone, he'd kill me, my mother, and then himself.I know that if I tell he'll keep to his promise, for my dad has kept true to his word before. I often go over to Randy and Anne's house for supper if I can't make any, and they make me feel warm and welcome. They have two kids,Rose, who is five, and Laura, who is six. I enjoy their company, but then the second I step foot inside my house my parents beat me and yell about how I ruin their life and how I never amount to any good at all. Stuff like that hurts, but I try to have Randy over as much as possible so my parents won't beat me in front of him.  

As much as Randy and his family help me at home, there is no way anyone can help me at school. There I am constantly bullied by the most popular girl, Natasha Boardman, and her group of girls (Madison, Lively, May, and Brianna) that follow her around. They kick me and say disgusting things about me and my family. It hurts me in away, but not in the way that you would think. The fact that they remind me of how miserable I am just adds to my anger and sadness, building more and more walls around myself. I have never fought back or stood up for myself,and I don't have a single friend  

I had one, Tammy, but then I found out that she was telling all the secrets I told her to Natasha. She then beat me till I almost lost consciousness when I asked her about it, and ever since I have been a loner and outcast. I was always one, and still am. Not a single person understands. 

There was one person. Long ago he was by my side. But now he's a distant memory and it pains me to think about him. How he just left me like that and acted like I didn't exist after I told him that... 

A lot of times I cry myself to sleep at night, and recently started slitting my wrists. The pain is agonizing but comforts me in a way I can't describe. I feel in a way that I can't put in words, something you have to feel.   

My name is Alex Parker and I am trapped. 

I can't fight back. 

I can't run away. 

I can't breathe. 

I can't listen. 

I can't speak. 

I am alone