today's going to be a good day || YM

today's going to be a good day

"Remember Jimin, when you feel sad and the sadness won't go away, in the morning go to your mirror and say to yourself, 'Today is going to be a good day,' and every night say, 'Today was a good day,' if you say it enough, it will eventually come true."  

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It had been years since his mother had first told him that. He was about 6 years old and didn't understand what it could possibly mean but he made sure to remember it. It had been a phrase she told him often and did often. Sometimes he would watch his mother go to the bathroom mirror in the morning with dark bags under her eyes and say it to herself and other time he would watch as she would walk to the mirror in his parent's room, close to tears, she would say it, say it was a good day.

Jimin never understood.

He was thirteen when he finally did, though.

.

It was a gunshot to the head. Dead instantly.
His father had found her.

Jimin's mother had killed herself. She had major depression and other mental issues.

After that happened, Jimin finally understood what she meant when she had said the sadness won't go away.

He got into a habit.

Every day he would wake up and go to his bedroom mirror.

Every day he would say with sad eyes, "Today is going to be a good day."

Every day he would go to school and have pitied looks from teachers. When it first happened he was greeted with condolences and hugs but none of that mattered, the sadness wouldn't go away.

Every day he would come home and lock himself in his room, away from his father.

Every day he laid on his bed for hours, wondering if this is how his mother felt.

Every day he would drag himself up from his bed and stand his in front of his mirror and repeat the words, "Today was a good day."

Every day he would cry himself to sleep.

Every day for a year.

Every day was Hell.

.

Then one day, his day was better.

He made his first friend.

Jimin has never been an extrovert and he did have people he talked to on occasion but never a friend.

There was a new kid in school and he came and sat by Jimin.

The kid was unbelievably social and he seemed so happy. It was crazy for Jimin to wrap his mind about how happy this kid was.

Every day the kid spoke to him. He asked if he could sit by him at lunch and hang out while they waited for the buses.

Jimin said yes, he quite liked this new kid.

He quite liked Taehyung.

.

But just because he made a friend didn't mean the sadness went away magically.

Jimin would still way up every day and repeat the words and before he went to bed he would repeat them.

Taehyung was very helpful, though. Jimin didn't feel as much dread when he woke up in the morning. He wasn't thinking about death and his mother every day. He would laugh and smile.

Jimin was happier, just not happy.

When they started high school things started to get worse.

Apparently, a chubby kid with glasses is a very easy target for bullies, Jimin thought it was pretty cliché.