Laura

Part II

The next time I saw her was two weeks later at Rain's Childrens Hospital. The unfortunate name seemed to fit nicely with the spirit of the children in the hospital, the crust of the large building being a set of lovely, pastel-coloured walls; while the feeling of dread and sorrow was widespread within the small rooms. Kate had gone through another round of unsuccessful treatment, and our whole family had gathered in to the small waiting room of Rain's to see her. This had become a monthly ritual, the squeaking of 'Get Well Soon' balloons and silent weeping from my emotional Aunt June who was seated in the corner. I stepped out of the oxygen-deprived room to get some air, when I spied a familiar pale face leaning against a pastel-pink wall and talking to a short, plump, pick faced woman who I knew as 'Nurse Rachel.' I stepped behind her, staying still and just listening to Laura's sweet voice for a few minutes before Nurse Rachel piped up. 'So nice to see you here, Nick.' She spoke in a welcoming tone, Laura turning to me with pale skin and big blue eyes to open up the conversation to me. 'I'm so sorry to hear about your sister,' Rachel continued, not noticing that neither Laura, nor I were paying attention to a word she was saying, and instead staring and smiling at each other. 'Why're you here?' I asked in the direction of Laura, and Nurse Rachel discovered just how much she was intruding and wandered off to behind her desk. 'Lung,' she responded, tapping herself on the chest, and I realized that she didn't often talk about the cancer that riddled her, and often only used that one word. 'You?' 'My sister is um... not good.' I replied, earning a sad smile from Laura, her hand drifting to my arm and squeezing lightly. We stood in silence like this for a few minutes, her hand on my arm and her blue eyes locked on to mine before Nurse Rachel behind us finally broke the silence. Her plump face was red, her makeup had found it's way to her rosy cheeks; and the bun of hair that once stood above her head was drooping to the side. She looked like in the five minutes since we had last saw her, she had had a death in the family. Unfortunately for me, my guess was second to none. 'Your family wants to see you.' She whispered, her voice barely audible as she wiped away a forming tear, her mascara smearing across to her ear. She looked downright awful. Somehow in the moment I knew, and before my brain could register what I was doing I was down the hall, my legs taking me faster than I ever thought they could, and in record time I was back in the crammed waiting room that was now filled with silence. My mothers eyes were the first to meet my own, and she raced over to me; looping her arms around mine and sinking her head in to my neck. 'The chemo made it worse.' She sobbed, squeezing me tighter and taking a sharp breath after every word. 'There is nothing they could do.' I lost feeling of my legs, collapsing to the ground in a fit of tears as darkness enveloped me. We all knew that this day was coming soon, every sobbing member of the family knew we were delaying the inevitable, but every day you tell yourself that you have one more. I felt a hand against my leg, the only part of me that hadn't curled in to a shaking fit. I wanted nothing more than for it to be Kate's hand against my leg, telling me that everyone was okay and that I could curl up in her arms and fall asleep. I instantly felt hollow, like any more pressure on me would shatter me in to one million unrecognizable pieces, only to be brushed away in the wind and for me to be forgotten. The hand on my leg moved to cup my face, and my eyes fluttered open to find my detestable Aunt June taking me in to her arms. In a time of crisis, you find that the people who despise you the most, the people who just last week called you a 'good for nothing rash on society' are the ones who feel the need to comfort you to display themselves as the caregiver. I struggled out of the hug, standing on shaking legs and moving over to the doctor who, through all of this, was standing in the corner with his head down. 'When can I see her?' I huffed, wiping a line of mucus from underneath my nose. 'She is in, if I must say, a bad state. Seeing a loved one like this is often... traumati-' 'When can I see her?!' This time I was more forceful, my voice shaking as I stood, unmoving in front of the oncologist. He sighed, moving over slightly to reveal a baby blue door littered with children's fingerpaint art and collages; one of which I was sure belonged to Kate. I strode through the door, moving to a bed that still held the deceased body of my sibling. They had yet to dispose of her, throw her out like a piece of trash that would soon be forgotten. I wouldn't let that happen to her. I took her in my arms, her cold body lifeless under my weight. Despite her five year head start on me, I was still taller and built larger than her. I pressed my lips to her cheek, slamming my face multiple times against hers as I wept in to her profile. My mother was soon behind me, placing a hand against the small of my back but making no attempt to stop me as I cried harder than I ever had before into the dead arms of my sister. I stayed there for over an hour, my mother soon wrapping her arms around both of us and whispering 'It's going to be okay,' over and over. After saying goodbye to the lifeless body of Kate, I found myself in the hall, slumped against the ground as countless numbers of people who were feeling the same amount of pain as me shuffled past. I only looked up when I felt a familiar cold hand sit against my own. Laura slumped down next to me, hitting the ground with an 'oof' and leaning her head against my still-damp shoulder. 'It's hard,' was all she said, but somehow it helped more than anything a doctor could have said to me. Laura was feeling the same pain that Kate had felt, and one day her family would have to experience what I was feeling now. 'I hate the doctors. I hate everyone who said she would be okay.' I took a deep breath, 'I f*****g hate cancer.' Her hand found it's way behind my back and she held tightly on to me. 'They said they could fix her.' I hissed, leaning my head against the top of hers and sobbing weakly in to her matted hair. I could see the transparent yellow tubes that ran from her nose and to the metal machine that still sat next to her, and when she talked the nubs would shuffle from side to side. 'I want to go outside now,' was all she said, pushing herself away from me and pulling herself to her feet. I stayed slumped over myself until she spoke again. 'And I want you to come with me.' We made our way out from the bustling hospital to the crisp air of outdoors, the wind hitting me like a wave as Laura took my hand and guided me to a lonely park bench. I sat on the wooden seat, but Laura found her way to the ground, sitting at the start of a large stone mural. 'Every patient who comes through here gets a spot. You put your hand in the drying cement. As soon as someone passes away it's just a way to remember them.' As she said this she smiled at the ground, pressing  her hand in to a spot that fit almost perfectly. 'This is my spot.' I shuffled off the bench and on the ground next to her, our knees barely brushing as I looked out over the sea of dented stone. 'Where was K-Kate?' I asked, stumbling at her name and pursing my lips. She pointed to a spot that was halfway in the mural, and I began the arduous task of crawling over to where my sisters hand print lay. Laura was close behind me, weighed down by her nose-tube machine but still able to crawl closely beside. I stopped when I reached her mural, her small hand print dwarfed by my own hand as I tried to feel her touch one last time. There were already fresh flowers by her prints, a bunch of yellow posies that looked suspiciously similar to those held by Aunt June and her husband.  'I come where when I lose a friend.' She whispered, 'Considering my only friends are the people I meet there, that happens often.' She laughed at that last part, but I knew that it was only to hide the tears. I wonder if she ever knew Kate. Before I knew it I was in her arms, crying in to her shoulder as she held me tightly. 'This is my happy place.' she whispered in my ear. 'You're my happy place.' I said back, feeling her cold hands intertwine with mine as we sat still together.