The Story Of My Life

The Story Of James

Hey. I know so far that these stories have been pretty deep. To be honest, I believe that we are not the only ones feeling pain because other people are going through this same pain somewhere, somehow. I bet that it's hard to overcome difficult situations; sometimes so hard that it brings this thing called depression. As we grow up, we learn that even that one person who was not supposed to let us down...probably will, we learn that our hearts will be broken probably more than once, we learn that it hurts harder every time our heart breaks, and we learn that we ourselves are also capable of breaking hearts. It is important to remember how it felt to be broken on the inside because of that fight with a best friend, that time we blamed a new love for an old loved one's mistakes, and that thought of eventually losing the ones we love. All we can do is take those thousands of pictures, laugh like we never laughed before, and love like we have never been broken. Guess what? For every sixty seconds we spend upset is another minute of happiness we will never get back. By all means, I want to help others and share my story as best as I can because in this world, life can be pretty rough.Right now, I am dealing with family depression. It all started when I was little, I never met my real dad. Growing up, I blew off every chance I had to meet him due to my stupidity and ignorance, but only because I was afraid of him and what he did to my mom. I remember my mom telling me how she witnessed my real dad cheating on her at a party. Now that I think about it, my mom was on her own when she came to America, my mom was struggling to make money because she had to lend some to grandma, who barely knew any English, and it was hard for my mom to find a job in America. Growing up, I had a stepdad who was there for my whole life. For a while, I thought he was my real dad until I was 7 or 8 years old, my mom told me about my real dad. Of course, we both burst into tears. I admit that I was an emotional kid back then and that I did not know what to do knowing this, but at that point in my life, I had decided to never meet my real dad because of what he did to my mom. However, sometimes I wonder if he changed, or if he ever loved me, or if he will love me because I am his son after all. As I look back at what has happened so far, all I could think about was the struggle that my mom went through. I told myself that I did not want to be here in life all because I did not want my mom to suffer any more than she has been through. To even think that if I had not been born, then probably none of this would have happened to my mom. I figured that by growing up, I became more mature but soon enough, I broke down because my great grandma passed away. When I was 14, it was tough losing a family member and it was hard for me because my family and I all knew that my great grandma did so much for us and yet we could not return the favor. Losing a family member taught me something. It taught me to live life for them, to succeed for them, and to make them proud the best as we can. Why? It is because they are always watching over us no matter what. Although we may have family problems here and there but like people always say, family always comes first because they will always be there to support you no matter what. Love your family because they will never leave your side and they will always be by your side forever.Next, I want to talk about my struggle with love depression. Once you get into high school it is going be tough with all the school work, but high school is also a stage where we start developing these feelings for another person. It could start out as a crush but soon enough those same feelings develop into this thing called love. Love is a hard word to explain with just a definition, but I think of it as more of an action. Some words are hard to explain so it is easier to Just Do It and show them what love is and make that connection with that person. At the age of 15, I started liking my best friend and since I cannot put real names I will put in fake names instead. Let's call her Sally, I began liking Sally for a long time, but she was already taken at that time so that lowered my self-esteem as well as my confidence, but somehow I managed to never give up. I kept on supporting her and being there for her when she needed me, but when I did that she would always mention her boyfriend. Obviously, hearing about her boyfriend hurt me, but all I could do was wait. The time came when they broke up and for a while, I was there and I gave her time to recover and then eventually I confessed to my best friend Sally and sadly she did not feel the same way and only thought of me as a friend. I became so depressed when she said that to me, but glad that we still kept in touch, but it hurts every time when we talk. To her, it seemed as though my confession was not enough to react to or even to be bothered with. Eventually I told myself to move on from this because I did not want this incident to stop me from doing what I want to do in life such as being successful one day. Unfortunately, moving on never worked for me because with these type of stuff, it is just too hard for me to move on. Every night, I would always cry myself to sleep. Next thing I knew, the day came when we were no longer best friends.When I was 16, I fell in love with my other best friend again. I know this may sound stupid and all, but there is a reason why. Since I cannot say her real name, let's call her Tiffany. I liked Tiffany for a long time or so and I truly thought she was the one for me. All my friends even said that she liked me and that really brought up my confidence to the point where I confessed to her. Sadly, the outcome was just the same as before. She did not see me as anything else but as a friend, so I broke down. I did not think I could handle this pain anymore. I began having thoughts such as "I am worthless," "no one will ever like me because of who I am," "nobody will never date me," and "I am just a nice guy." I admit that I still have those lingering feelings for Tiffany and I think she will always be my first love that actually got to me. I remember one day I was at a party/hangout with my friends and I saw a picture on how she kindly rejected me. Every time I look at that picture, I always cry and burst into tears. People saw me broke down and were worried when they were all watching a movie. I did not want to come out, but I had to suck it up and deal with the pain inside of me. I tried my best to move on while I was over there, but the feeling would not go away. A day after the party was over, my mom came home and we all were eating as a family while my dad was drinking. Soon my dad became a bit drunk and began talking about my love life. He started rambling about how at my age, I should be learning how to love. It hurt when he was talking about me because I was not over it at the time, so I just got up and left the table to a room and burst into tears. Later on my mom came in the room and talked to me. She told me to take care of myself first before taking care of someone else. I agreed with that, but I just sat there and just replied "yeah" so I could get it over with. Once it was over I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. I would never ever forget this horrible feeling.Despite what happened, it does not matter who you are because you are who you are and there is absolutely nothing that can change that. There are a million of people in this world that will like you for who you are. Never give up on yourself.  I have been broken into pieces twice and I could not pick all my pieces back up. All I can say is, I do not want you to make the same mistakes as I did. I do not want you to rush into love, but rather rush to your family and friends' side where you can focus on what you want to do. Later in life, love will eventually come so there is no need to rush because we're so young. You must stay positive and be strong minded so do not lose hope because you are never alone in your life. If you think you're alone, then look up keep your head up high because someone will always be there with you no matter what. Whether it be life problems, love life, family, bullies, whatever it is there is always a person there for you to help you. Sometimes you just got to learn how to accept them. After you have moved on from all your worries, make this as a lesson for yourself to be careful for what you do and will do next time. Everyone gets a second chance eventually, so you just got to believe in yourself, never give up, and stay strong and positive. Remember that you are never alone. People will always be there with you right there in your heart. In life, you will always have a point where you will experience pain, but remember you are never alone to deal with it to begin with. Open your mind and heart to other people let them come inside your heart so they can help ease the pain because that pain is not worth the suffering. For instance, when you are at such at a young age, love can wait because you will find love eventually, so just do not give up so soon. One thing to keep in mind is to always be true to yourself and to others. I know at times, we release our hurt feelings with violence, but there is just no need. Instead, just show those emotions and actions to show that you are able to move on from this. In the end, it is going to be a tough road, but guess what? You are not alone!!!
You can get through this. Your friends and family will always believe in you from the beginning till the end. I will also continue to believe in you for your happiness my friend because sadness is not needed in this world, but rather this world needs your happiness and most importantly of all, your smile.
- [ ] Sincerely, James/Gookie