My Journal My Secrets My Life

Hi guys this is my first story ever on wattpad. I hope you enjoy it and any feedback woud be great. 

Everything in this story is fictional, its all made up!

*trigger warning-self-harm, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt*

Journal #1

 I was so done with life. The thought of living and beathing made me want to vomit. Seeing little kids running around at the park and teenagers meeting their friends at the mall, didn't seem right. Maybe its because i never got to be that little kid on the playground or have friends to meet. I was never the typical kid. I was that one kid that sat in the back of class with no friends. Nobody knew me,nobody talked to me and nobody wanted to get involved with me. To them and the rest of Clearbrook, I was the abused girl on Lanes Road.

  It was going on for as long as i can remember. I always believed it was my fault. I see familt pictures of my mom,dad and brother David in exotic places around the world, happy. Now, there is no family picture with me included. My dad always told me "Emily if you were never born our lives wouldve been different for the better". I don't deny that at all. My father would kick and het me till i was a wounded, bloody animal on the floor silently crying and whimpering. That wasnt even the worst of it.

  He lost his job when i was 10 due to the company having to do major budget cuts. He blamed all his misforutune on me anyway, so he blames this on me also. That night was the worst beating i've ever gotten.

*Flashback to that night*

 I was sitting in the office at the desk writing a paper for language arts class. Then he stormed in the house i could tell by the way the front door jerked open and slamed shut. "Oh shit" i whispered to myself. I hear his feet stomping into the hallway. "Please turn left,please turn left" i pray to whoever is up in heaven. But i was out of luck he barged in the office. His face was redout of pure anger and hatred. "YOU IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU FUCKED UP OUR LIVES NOW YOU HAD TO MAKE ME LOSE MY JOB" he bellowed at me. As a 10-year-old i dint know how to properly reply without angering him even more. Then he came over and slapped me right across the face. Hard. then he kicked me in my my knee causing me to fall. my cheek was numb and my leg was throbbing, he woukld usually stop it there and hiss harsh word to be and leave me o tend to myself. This was not the case.

  It was continuing punches and kicks while i was stiil on the ground i was defenseless everytime. My mother walked through the door, that was my saving grace. She knew everything but didnt care enough to stop it. But she didnt like to see it. My father respected that so he beat me when she wasnt home. 

  Then without another word he left to go greet her at the door and assist with cooking dinner, that i wasnt  allowed to eat. once i was sure the oast was clear i hobbeled out of the office to the bathroom to inspect the damage. I have a very prominent black right eye, a busted lip, multple cuts and bruises on my arms. I  rolled up my jeans to find blcks and blues and a jacked up knee that was starting to swell. 

*flashback ends*

  Just remebering it makes me cry. Here is am 6 years later still having nightmares about it. Now little journal if you have any thoughts at all you are most likely thinking, "oh welly you are 16 now, what happend? is you're father arround? you're mother?brother?" my mother and brother is stiill around. My dad is currently surving 20+ years in jail for assualt and rape of a 20 year old girl and child abuse.

  Yes, my family still hates me will all their might. Fuck, all of Clearwater hates me. 

I debate every sencond of everyday if i should just give up and die

Hi so this is the first chapter of 'My Journal My Secrets My Life' if you liked it please vote if not please tell me why in the comments. I will try and update once or twice a week. I will most likely start a boyxboy one direction one-shots starting soon. I will be accepting prompts for that so you can send them to me or comment them. 

Yea so thats what i have to say for now. Have a good day lovelies :)