There and Back Again {On Hold}

I'm far from ok.

Karkat's POV:

I woke up with with scream and thud. Fucking nightmares, I thought I was over those.
"GOG FUCKING DAMN IT!" I yelled a bit louder then I wanted to. I clamped my hand over my mouth.
I heard the door across the hall open and then a knock on my door.
"Karkat? Babe? You ok?"
I blushed when dave called me babe. "Y-yeah...I uh..fell off the bed." I stammered out.
I heard the door handle jiggle and the door open.
Dave popped his head in.
"It how go?" He chuckled.
"Use grammar stupid..." I mumbled.
"Grammer terrible, brain in pain." He moaned in a low voice.
"Shut the fuck up!" I threw a pillow at him.
John walked in. "Hey I thought throwing pillows was our thing..." He said, with a fake hurt expression.
"Get out of my room!" I yelled more at john then dave.
John gave me pouty look and left the room.
I looked at dave with my arms crossed.
"Oh come on! Do I have to leave too?" He asked.
"I need to get dressed." I said plainly.
"But maybe I wannd see some vantas booty." He said calmly.
I felt my cheeks and the tip of my ears get warm.
"G-GET OUT!" I shouted.
I pushed him out of my door and locked it.

After throwing on a red and black striped short sleeve. And some kackie shorts I left my room.

It had been two or three days and I hadn't left my room at all. Of course dave and john came in and pressured me to coming out today.
John said it would be good for me and dave...being the hot and caring boyfriend he is said he missed me so...I'm leaving my room today.

I slowly went down the stairs to see john and Dave sitting on the couch watching TV.
Dave turned around. "Oh hey cutie, you ready to go?"
I felt my face burn slightly.
"Y-yeah ok.."
John jumped up from the couch. "Don't worry kar! It'll be good for you to meet everyone at the park!"
"Egbert's right KitKat, it might even make you feel better." Dave impiled as he put his arm around my shoulders.
"Dad! We're leaving!" John yelled at mr Egbert and we set off to the park to meet rose and jade.

We got there in about ten minutes. We saw jade and rose giggling on the swing set. That's weird. Usually rose doesn't giigle...much less laugh at all..wonder what's got her in a good mood?

As soon as jade saw me she ran straight for me.
"N-no! Jade do-"
I was cut off by her tackling me to the ground.
She hugged me tightly.
"Karkat its so nice to see you! I haven't seen you in forever! How are you doing?! Are you ok?! Did you move back on with John?! Did-"
She was cut off by dave clearing his throat.
"Jade, you are one of my best friends but I would appreciate it if you got off my boyfriend."
"Oh..right..sorry! I forget your dating sometimes.."
She got up off of me and we all went over to the swing set rose was sitting at.

She had this huge smile plastered across her face.
"Whoa lalond? What's got you so happy?" Dave asked before anyone else could.

Rose was about to speak but jade did for her.
"Rose has a girlfriend!" She yelled.
"Jade! Not so loud!" Rose whispered.
Jade giggled. "Sorry!"
"Oh? So who's the lucky lady?" Asked john.
"Her name is kanaya." Responded rose.

"That's really great rose..I'm happy for you!" I said, cheerfully, looking over at dave and we met eyes. He winked at me and my chest fluttered.
"Thank you karkat! And I'm very happy to see you in good spirits today." She smiled.
"I think we all are." Dave said as he slipped his hand into mine.

We all had a great time, just talking and chatting and whatnot. For the first time in two days...I felt somewhat ok.

The sky started to get dark and clouds starting forming.
We paid no mind to it of corse.
A couple of hours later, I started to feel weird. Like...maybe I wasn't supposed to be here..
That's when I started thinking about kankri. I thought he was annoying. I thought he was too overprotective but...he was just trying to take care of me...and I disregarded it. I realized something else. I had left the night the house burnt down. I left him that night. If..if I had stayed I could have saved him or even prevented this from ever happening. Its my fault my brother is dead.

I felt hot tears sting my eyes as I stared off into space.
That's when I realized the group was quiet and all staring at me.
I whiped away a tear. "W-what..." I asked weakly.
"Kitkat are you ok?" Dave asked with a look of pity on His face. For some reason that made me mad. "I'm fine."

It started raining. "Um dave we should get home!" Yelled john as he pulled his hood up in his blue zipup.
"Come on.." I said as I started toward john.
Dave grabbed my arm. "No. Not until you tell me what's wrong."
"Dave its fucking raining!" I yelled, halfway at him and halfway at myself.
"Then tell me what's wrong so we can go home." He replied.
I took his hand off my arm.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"Karkat! Your crying!" He looked upset.
"No I'm not its...its the rain!" I screamed.
"Kitkat-" he started.
"No! I Don't need your fucking pity!" I yelled once again.
"Karkat.." He whispered.
He tried to hug me.
And I did something that I'll regret for the rest of my life.

I slapped him.

I hadn't realized what I did until I saw him, hand up to his red cheek and a looks of surprise mixed with hurt on his face.

That's when the tears started.
I ran off down the street, opposite of the Egbert's.

I just ran.

I lost my family.

I killed my brother.

I just slapped dave.

I'm not ok.

I'm far from ok.