Miserable At Best (A Soy Luna Fanfiction)

#1: What is love?

„Luna!" A voice behind her was calling her name and she couldn't help but wince slightly because she was surprisingly pulled out of her thoughts, before turning around to the source of the noise. It was her best friend Nina, carrying books in her arms as always, with Gaston by her side.

"Luna, are you okay? We called you for at least five times and you didn't even flinch.", he said when they reached her, worry audibly in his voice, before exchanging a glance with Nina. It was not like Luna's behavior would have surprised them, it has been like this for almost a year now; she seemed absent half of the time and always tired, she was even scattier than usual and she lacked the shine in her eyes that had have brightened the whole room when she laughed. They knew - or suspected - what it was about and why she was being like this, but the Mexican would always just say she had had slept bad or had a tough day. How her boyfriend had still not seen how miserable she was was beyond Nina and Gaston, but both weren't that good of a friend with him to just straight out go and ask him.

Luna, seeing how the worries of her friends grew by every second, did not know what to do but shake her head and do what she always did: pretend that she was completely fine. "No, no, guys, I'm fine, really, thank you for worrying, I just haven't slept that good last night, still have bad dreams of my time as Sol, you know..." She smile but it didn't reach her eyes and Nina and Gaston exchanged a worried look again. There was a question in his eyes that Nina answered with a slight shrug before nodding, but Luna couldn't pinpoint what it was. Did they keep secrets from her?

"Come on, Luna, let's go to class now. You have already been late this morning, I think that's enough for a day.", her dark haired friend stated before pulling her along, turning her head back again while already leaving, "We'll talk later in the Roller!"

Gaston nodded before slightly biting down on his lower lip, throwing a glance to his smartphone when Luna and Nina had disappeared in one of the corridors. Like always, there was a message from his best friend waiting for him, but the message was not normal. Usually they would send mostly unimportant stuff back and forth to keep each other updated on their lives even though they lived a whole ocean apart now; but that one was important and Gaston couldn't help but grin widely at that. He couldn't wait to tell Nina.

***

"Luna. Are you sure you are okay?" It was Jim asking her this time, the four friends (Jim, Yam, Luna and Nina) sat together in the classroom and chattered since their teacher had yet to turn up, and the Mexican had actually thought she would get out of this without getting asked that this time - the first time for what felt like ages - but of course her friends where just that observant and they knew her that well. "And if you're not", Yam added, exchanging a quick glance with her best friend before returning her attention back to the dark haired girl in front of her, "you could always talk to us, you know?"

Luna sighed, again - she felt like she did that more often with every passing day - before trying an excuse, likewise again, but somehow loosing her temper in doing so. "Look, I don't know what has gotten into you lately because I get that question, like, ten times per day, but I am completely and utterly fine!" The three other girls carved their eyebrows in an exactly identical way at that, unsure on how to continue.

"How is your relationship going then?" Yam asked, obviously challenging her, "because seriously, Luna, and I am sorry to say this, but you don't exactly look like you're happily in love."

Luna looked up from the notebook she had been scratching in, visibly surprised. "What do you mean?" She furrowed her brows. "You know I love him." She tried to read in their eyes what was going on, what they were talking about, but there was nothing she could pinpoint right away except for the worry that seemed to never lack when in conversation with her.

The three girls exchanged looks again. "Yes, we know you love him.", Jim said and Nina continued nodding. "We really do. But... Are you really in love with him, Luna?"

It was completely silent at their table after that, no one said a word, did anything really but carefully observing Luna, who looked at them with large eyes. "Of course I am, I mean - how can you not see this - he was my best friend for like forever, and we really match, and okay we're not doing much couple stuff but that's just because I am not ready for that...", she stuttered and to Nina the rambling instantly indicated nervousness - not that the fidgeting with her bracelets would not have been enough of a proof by itself. "Luna", she then quietly said, effectively turning the Mexican's attention to her by gently grabbing her hands, "We are going to ask a few questions, and please be honest with us. We just want to help you, okay?"

Her best friend nodded at that and smiled slightly. That was something she could cautiously promise - at least that was what she thought....

"What do you feel when you are with him?"

Again, Luna smiled, it was a slight smile that, as usual, did not quite reach her eyes, but it was still an honest one. "Nice. Just - calm and in peace. He's my best friend and being with him is so easy..." Her voice trailed off and the worry on her friends' faces grew. It was quiet for a while then though and she certainly had no idea why.

"What about your heart?" It was Yam who finally gathered her courage and asked what they had all wanted to know for what felt like ages - since they had decided to be in a relationship, something around a year ago. It had been no surprise for them at that time, but Luna just had seemed like always, nothing was different... Till it grew worse after the leaving of...

Their thoughts were cut short by the Mexican, who switched her sight between them, looking quite baffled. "What do you mean?"

The tree girls exchanged glances again, not sure how to say what they wanted to get through to Luna, how to find words that struck with her. "Luna..." Of course it was Nina finding them eventually. "Romantic love is not just about being calm. Your heart is supposed to jump when you see the one you love, and mostly it goes on what feels like ten times faster than before. You start to shiver, and when you touch them..." She took a deep breath, thinking of how Gaston had decided to not let her hand go for a second lately and how it had made her feel every time. "There is this spark, and suddenly everything is on fire and you are burning, but it's not hurting you, it makes you fly high above the ground, up into the clouds."

When she finished it was quiet, the Mexican she had spoken to said no word, made no sound, but Nina knew her best friend well enough to see the storm raging inside of her, her eyes where restless flying through the room, the hand she had previously scribbled words in her notebook with shaking visibly, and then suddenly there were tears welling in her eyes and Nina knew what she had discovered in herself, but still deciding her best friend should hear it to really be able to grasp it - to realize the truth. "I think there is just one you have ever experienced that with, probably worse than I just described it - with him." She said the last word with an emphasize on it that ringed a bell in Luna, and she knew who her best friend was talking about, because ever since he was gone they decided to not use his name again - it made her feel sad and angry and broken, all at once.

She did not know what to say or even feel, there was a storm raging inside of her, a tornado whirling through her inner self, turning everything upside down, making her shiver; there was nothing clear anymore for her, her hands were shaking, her vision blurred, there was just this burning feeling in her chest that tore everything apart the tornado had thrown around, leaving a complete mess behind...

And then there was a single tear falling from her eye, sliding down over her cheek and to the chin before eventually dropping down onto the notebook, onto the name she had unconsciously written while listening to Nina's description of love -

Matteo Balsano.