Reigniting Her Fire

Chapter 1

wat r u reading this for?

The text message flashed across my screen as an image of the book I'd been trying to hide loaded. Sex In A Relationship: Reigniting the Fire. As soon as the title appeared across the screen, dread settled in the pit of my stomach. Nate wasn't supposed to find it. No one was. I'd been reading it last night before bed and usually I'm good at hiding it away after I'm done. But I'd been particularly tired the night before and so I'd left it on my end table by the bed. In easy access for my boyfriend to find.

nothin

I quickly texted back. This wasn't supposed to happen. The plan was that I read the book. Take some notes and get our sex life back on track. All with Nate completely unaware. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that I was dissatisfied by our sex life. But I was. I so was.

It wasn't always like this. In the start of our relationship, 3 odd years or so ago, we'd both been happy with that aspect of our life. I remembered going at it like rabbits the first few months. But soon enough, life got in the way and what we'd both done on a daily basis soon became a weekly thing. Then a monthly thing. And now a once every couple of months thing. And I missed that sexual connection. That closeness that I only felt with Nathan. Besides that, lately, what with the explosion of BDSM erotica in the market, I'd been fantasising a different kind of sex than what we were used to. No whips and chains because I was a baby that way. But.... Different. Rougher. Harder. More caveman. And I was too embarrassed to voice my desires. How do you tell the man you love that your sex life was unfulfilling?

Leah. Answer me.

Can we talk tonight? this doesn't seem like the convo we should have over text, babe

I typed back before tucking the phone into my pocket. I was at a team building seminar at work and so for the past 3 hours I'd been sat there with my coworkers listening to a woman drone on about team work. Integrity. Enthusiasm. And I couldn't have be more uninterested if I'd tried. From where I sat, I spotted at least 3 people texting and I guessed that I'd be able to text Nathan if I wanted to. But I didn't want to do that. I wanted to invent a time machine. Go back to when I purchased that book and set it on fire.

I kno u've got that seminar thing. so answer me. y r u reading this? r u not attracted to me anymore?

Nathan texted back and I was immediately assaulted by feelings of guilt. This was exactly what I hoped to avoid.

baby, i couldn't been more into u if i tried. i love ur body n i love u.

its just.... we hardly hav sex anymore. n i get tht we're both pretty busy but i miss that. i miss u. n i was thinking about tryin something different.

wat?

I squirmed in my seat. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him to know that I'd been fantasising hair pulling. Spankings. Dirty talk. Aggression. Things that didn't seem overtly dirty but were way out of my comfort zone.

Nathan I realy dont think this is the place for this convo. we'll talk 2night.

Leah, for Godsake, just fuckin tell me!

Fine! i want it rougher. that's all.

elaborate

i dont kno wat i want exactly. i just want it rougher. u pushin me around. tellin me wat to do. dirty talk. hair pullin. spankings. n i want to put up a bit of a fight. not seriously. just a chase.

I texted back without giving myself time to think. I couldn't believe I'd just told him. I'd been guarding those thoughts for so long that it felt liberating to tell Nathan my deepest darkest desires. After 5 minutes of radio silence, I was starting to get worried. Did I scare him away? Was Nathan not in to that at all? Oh God, I'd made a terrible mistake in telling him.

Nate? baby?

More silence.

Just forget about it. i think its just PMS. I'll get my spunk back.

Damn right if I hav anything to say about it!

I wanted to text back asking what he meant but just then the speaker began dividing us into teams for an exercise. I guess this conversation was postponed for tonight.