They give me a locker after everyone is excused from the assembly. It's my old one. Of course. Locker 342. I get myschedule. It the same as my old one. Again. I have two classes with May and three with Natasha. I share English fifth periodwith them.
Like before.
Makes sense, and I'm relieved that Mr. Lambert is still my teacher for it.
"So um, I suppose you know that Alex girl, right?" I ask Natasha as we sit down at lunch. She doesn't reply, but just looks atthe ground. The lunch room has a desolate feeling to it, and I even see the uneasy looks on Lively, Brianna, and Madison'sfaces.
"Yeah, Alex Parker," May mutters.
"This is all our fault," says Madison.
May punches her in the arm. "IT'S NOT! If that stupid girl wanted to go kill herself, its HER fault! I swear, I hope she has funin hell." No one says anything to that and Brianna just slowly nods. May gives Madison and Natasha glares before turningback to her salad. That's all these girls eat. Salad and water. Maybe a few grains of rice sometimes.
"Well, didn't you say she used to be a loser or something?" I ask, feeling my heart pounding. I didn't want to sound toocurious.
"Yeah, and we always pushed her around." Natasha just stares at her plate.
May glares at her. "What's the matter with you? That girl was a nuisance, and she finally got rid of herself. Good riddance."
Natasha still doesn't say anything. I remember back in eight grade when Natasha changed. In secondary school, she usedto be really nice to everyone around her.
Until she met May.
May introduced her to fashion and makeup, and made her think she was better than others. Natasha's sweet personalityturned into something of arrogance and ego, and by the time eighth grade was over, she was a completely new person.
And not in a good way
In ninth grade, she became meaner, and started doing everything May said. But Natasha then overpowered May. Shedidn't want to share the spotlight. She was the leader at this point, and she wanted all the attention.
May created a monster out of a good person. In the middle of ninth grade, they started bullying people, including me.They made friends with the cool jocks of the school, including Christopher. I just flash back to all this then rememberChristopher. Why was he crying? I thought he had completely forgot about me.
My heart softens a little. Maybe he feels guilty for acting that way towards me, but there is no way he cares about me. Hejust cares about his conscience. But still, he regrets leaving me like that. But not because he cares, right? I mean, who wouldcare if I died? No one in this school liked Alex Parker, and today about five guys asked me out. I rejected all of them. Couldlooks really make that much of an impact on your life? If the ugliest person in the world was the kindest person in theworld, would people still like him/her?
"Colleen. Colleen! Hello!" May snaps her fingers in front of me, and I jump out of my thoughts.
"What? Sorry." I look around. The girls are getting up. "Where are you going?"
"To reapply our makeup in the bathroom. Want to come?"
I shake my head. "That's ok. I'm fine."
They shrug and walk away. I place my elbows on the table and hold my head between my hands. I needed to talk toChristopher, to become friends with him again. Should I? Or will he recognize me? Nah, I don't think so. People at thisschool that I've known since kindergarten didn't recognize me. Christopher and I became friends in the third grade. Buteven in elementary school, he increasingly grew more popular than me. But he always found time for me.
Whether he cares about me or not, I need to just be with him for sometime. Okay, I need to act clueless when I see him.Natasha said before that he's been hanging at the computer lab for the past few days.
I find my way there and knock on the door. Just. Act. Completely. Clueless.
I open it and make up some excuse in my head.
Say that you need help creating an email or something, I think to myself.
"Um, excuse me?" I walk in the room and there he is.
Christopher's on the computer, barely paying attention.
My heart gives a pang as I remember the fun hours we'd spend on the computer, playing video games. Super Mario is - was ‐ our favorite game to play together. We'd spend hours on the computer playing it. Of course, it was always at hishouse, not mine, because we don't have a computer.
"Excuse me?" I say louder. "I need some help."
Finally, he averts his eyes from the screen to me. "Yes, what do you need?"
"Umm, I need to make a school email so I was wondering which website and how you make it," I ramble. Be cool Alex, becool.
"Uh, sure," he says. He probably thinks I'm an idiot for not knowing how to make my own email. He then stares at me. "Iknow you. I met you the other day, in the park."
"Uh, yeah... um, what's your name again...?"
"It's Christopher," he reminds. "You're Colleen, right?"
No! No, I'm not! It's me, your former best friend, Alex! We used to be best friends and I liked you! Please, just say my name.That's not my name. And it will never be my real name.
"Yes, I am," I answer quickly. "Colleen Elliot."
"Alright, I set up your email username as Elliot.Colleen. Is that alright?"
"Yes." I stare at the ground. He types something in and hands me a card with my password and email.
"Here," he says. "It's set up."
"Just a question, but do you like Super Mario? I love playing that," I say.
"You do?" He's now looking at me with interest. "Which world are you on, what level?"
"World eight, at the first castle," I reply, because in reality I am at that level. His face drops and he turns towards thecomputer.
"I don't play that game anymore." He doesn't face me.
Im about to reply when the bell rings. I sigh, and get up. "Well, ok, bye then."
He doesn't answer.
I walk out of the room, feeling like I am going to burst into tears at any moment. I go to the locker room, where Natashacatches up with me. She sees my long face and is concerned.
"Is everything alright?" she asked.
I nod. Lies, lies, lies. Like my own world.
I'm.
Just.
Fine.
YOU ARE READING
The Suicide Project
Fiksi RemajaAlex is bullied each and every day, is poor, and has abusive parents. She feels like life hates her, and wonders how people would react if she committed suicide, which she often feels like she should. When her English teacher asks the class to comes...
