Our Lives Are Based On Songs

Song: Home

Artist: Daughter

The sweet and bitter taste of the liquor invading my taste buds had me yelling for another one.

"Hannah. That's enough." I shook my head slowly, wiggling my finger in front of Bud's face. His eyes held nothing but tenderness and worry, mixing in the brown color of his irises. My eyes felt heavy, but I tried my best to keep them from closing.

"I have the right to stop giving you drinks when I know that you could become a danger to everyone and to yourself." His eyes pierced through mine, and I knew that he wanted to keep me safe from harm. But I didn't want to be safe.

I wanted danger to embrace me. I wanted danger to take me away. To the brink of death.

And I could finish the rest myself.

"No, no," I slurred. A lazy smile curled my lips. I propped my elbow on the counter and rested my chin in my hand. I furrowed my eyebrows and patted a finger to my forehead.

"But the customer...is always riiiight. And this customer says that she needs another drink." I huffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest and pursued my lips. Bud shook his head, a defeated look settling on his weary face.

"Hannah, you're leaving me no choice." A hint of authority and a threathening tone lingered in his voice. I knew what his next words were going to be. "I have to call him." He sighed and turned around, his head hung low and his shoulders hunched over, and walked to the end of the bar and disappeared into the entrance of the restroom.

He's going to call him.

On any other given day, when I would be sober, I would jump over the bar and stop Bud from pressing down the correct digits of his number. But this time I didn't. I wanted him to answer that phone call, hear the worried tone in Bud's voice, and come running down here to come and get me. A coat of fresh water veiled my eyes and I quickly blinked it away to stop the tears that were ready to spill. I was so, so, stupid. How did I not realize that he no longer loved me after what I had done? I don't blame him. I would've done the same thing. But, I still yearned for his touch. I wanted him here. With me.

I didn't think I was going to end up being this drunk. I was a first timer in this category. I thought being drunk for the first time in a long time would've been a bit more...smoother? If that's the correct word to call it.

He was the only person Bud needed to call. I didn't have anyone else. The rest were dead. It was just him.

"He's on his way." I jumped at the sound of Bud's gruffy voice, ripping me away from my thoughts. My eyes widened and I blinked twice, slightly shaking my head. I frowned and lifted one eyebrow.

"W-," I struggled to say the words. Had I heard right? "What?" I squinted my eyes at Bud trying to decipher somewhere deep in his mind if the words that were coming out of his mouth were entirely true.

"He's on his way?!" Bud simply nodded and smiled pitifully, and turned around, picking up my glass before he grabbed a ratty cloth and began wiping the inside of the glass clean.

Excitement bubbled up inside of me and a small giggle escaped my lips. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was because of the side effects of the alcohol or if it was just pure bliss, either way I didn't mind because it had been too long since I had ever felt like this.

I let out a breath of air that I didn't know that I was holding and jumped off the stool. I couldn't stop smiling.

The rest of the bar was empty. Tables were neatly propped on each corner of the cream colored walls and chairs were tucked in under them. The booths on the left side of the bar were shiny, the red mahogany popping out vibrantly. I took in the scene before me, picking out each detail carefully, squinting at the each knick and cranny. I've been here countless times, but I never really noticed the little things here. These four walls have somehow sheltered me in my worst, and I have Bud to thank for accepting me for who I am. He resembled a father to me. Someone I didn't have the chance to meet because he walked out of my life once he knew of my existence. He didn't want anything to do with me. I don't think any man would if you were the love bundle of a one nightstand.