If ...

chapter 10

a/n: you guys have no idea how happy i get when i see your votes or comments or just know that you like it .so thank you for that , and i hope you'll enjoy this chapter .

I was travelling deep in my thoughts when the door burst open , revealing a crying gigi who looked like she'd faint any minute , if it wasn't for Zayn who was holding her by the waist.

I know gigi can be an emotional wreck , but never in my entire life have I seen gigi like this. The girl whom I call my best friend was never this broken

After a very awkward silence she finally moved and ran towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me so tight that I couldn't breath . 

If it wasn't for Zayn who pulled her away gigi would've chocked me . well not for real but let's just say she would've left me breathless ?

" I missed you, I am so sorry, I should've been there , I thought I lost you " she choked on her own words . Unable to control her sobs .

" Gi stop crying , whatever happened was meant to happen, so please stop crying " I held her hand and gave it a squeeze of reassurance, trying to make her feel better , having no clue about what she is talking about.     

She was still madly sobbing , no words I said were able to sooth her , not even zayn's embrace  who held her as a fragile piece of glass .

She excused herself and went out of the room. Which left me alone with no one other than Zayn , also known as my brother's best friend , and the guy who used to be my bigger brother before everything went down the hill.

Zayn and Andrew were more than friends , they were basically brothers from another mother. They were so close that you could never see Andrew without zayn by his side and vice-versa .

Zayn and Andrew were the bad boys of NTHS and the trouble makers of the town .

they considered each other family , to the point where Zayn had his own bed in andrew's room . And besides him being andrew's best friend , he was also mine . Emphasizing the past tense .he used to be my big brother , other than Andrew whom was older by a minute  . zayn always had my back ...

But everything changed , everything scrambled down from the day Andrew left this world .he was no normal nor ordinary brother , he was my twin , we spent every second of our childhood together .

When he was hurt , I was hurt . when I was sad he was sad. When he smiled I smiled. When he was in love , I was in love , even if I wasn't in love for real . and when he died , I died.

No one ever felt the pain I was enduring, he was my twin brother and I killed him .

Andrew won't get married , he won't even confess to the girl he loved his true feelings , he won't be able to play as a professional player and be a singer ,he won't do anything of the things he always wanted and dreamt of doing and all of this is because of me.

I was , am, the reason he died , I will never ever ever forgive myself .

Everyone kept telling me that it wasn't my fault . it was an accident , if there was someone to blame it would be the drunk driver who crossed the red light .

But what they don't understand is that I was behind the steering wheel , I was the one who controlled the vehicle , I could've stopped , turned , just done something to prevent what happened , and still have my brother next to me today , I should be the one dead , not him ...

Everyone was there for me yet no one was . and I don't blame them. They all supported and tried to help me. But they themselves needed that.

Mom and dad lost a child , but still they did everything to make me happy and get me to forget and get over the guilt of killing my own flesh and blood.

Kylie lost a brother , a big brother that she looked up to and always felt protected by . even with his teasing and over-protectiveness , he loved her and she loved him , they loved each other like no one ever can . she was our little sister , he loved her more than he did himself.  yet , besides grieving herself ,She tried everything to cheer me up.

Gi lost a friend, they always got along , they both worshiped food , which what basically was their number one subject . I remember the times they would almost rip each other's heads because of food , good days ...she was stuck between cheering herself , me and of course zayn.

Zayn...

Well zayn lost his other half, he lost his only brother, his best friend, his childhood buddy , his prank partner , his sketching pal. He was the only one who was able to say the truth to my face. Zayn was the only one who said what everyone was thinking , including myself, but didn't admit .he simply blamed me and only me for my brothers death .

He never spoke a word to me since the funeral , nor did he even spare me a glance whenever we accidentally met with Gigi.

I needed my best friend, and I needed him because only him excluding cara, could understand a bit of my pain.

But he wasn't there for me , he couldn't forgive me for taking his best friend's life .

He couldn't stop blaming me for being the cause that Andrew was no longer living in this world.

And it only increased my pain and tortured me more.

Yet I don't blame him

Because I blame myself and till this day , as long as I can remember zayn never forgave me .

And cara , cara lost everything...

While me , well I didn't just lose myself but I died. when Andrew passed away , I died with him.

When they putted him in that coffin and buried him six feet under . I was buried along next to him.

         Why did you have to leave Andrew ?