Vents

The Curse

(you know who you are, and I refuse to reveal information about you. Raine is not your name.)

All these haunting pictures continue to flow into my mind. Insanity is what I think of it as. Especially since its caused by love. I hate it. I hate love so much more than I ever thought I would. Daydreams of things I wish I could do with you, and you know who you are. I love you and its killing me. All I do is daydream. I cant say nice things to you like I used to be able to. You have somebody else now and all I have is a promise to keep. I Have had dreams. I've had dreams of you loving me back for once. Ive had dreams of you meeting me. Ive had daydreams.

I... I've had wishful thinking. I have things I want to do with you. No... the dreams... they haunt me. The daydreams... please... go away

"Come on!" She said. "I'm tired."

"Okay." I said as she pulled me to our room.

It was a stormy night. I could hear the rain against the window along with the flash of lightning and the soft rumble of thunder. I fixed the covers to where they covered both her and where I laid.

"Kinda cold." She told me.

"I'll fix that." I said as I got in the bed.

I moved close to her after I got in under the covers and pulled her close to me.

"Your really warm." She told me tiredly.

I Pulled her closer to me and cuddled her tightly. She turned to face me. I saw a tired smile on her face in the dim light. She was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. I thought she was the most beautiful and adorable thing on earth.

"Hey love?" I whispered. "why are you so cute?"

She looked down with her adorable smile on her face.

"Hey Bryce?" She asked

"Yea?" I said, looking down at her

She looked up and kissed me. Butterflies filled my stomach. She stopped kissing me and looked back down.

"Goodnight. I love you." She told me.

"I love you too." I told her lightheadedly.

We sat there, and eventually I realized she was asleep. I held her closely to me, as if I could lose her at any moment. I heard the soft rumble of thunder and rain start to hit the window again. It made me feel peaceful, and I had the love of my life in my arms. I sat there as her soft breathing combined with the sound of rain agains my window and the soft rumble of thunder lulled me to sleep.

STOP IT... please... get these insane thoughts out of my head. I got butterflies in my stomach thinking about that. Thinking about you kissing me. Thinking about you saying you love me out of nowhere. Just all of that, things I want to do with you. Don't you get it! I love you! Im sorry! I'm sorry I do... The daydreams... no... they're from my heart... they infect my mind...

"Hey Raine, guess what?" I said, walking over to her.

"Hmm?" She responded, closing the book she was reading.

She was sitting in the couch with a blanket over her. She looked up at me as i sat down next to her.

I poked her nose.

"Boop!" I teased.

I saw a cute mischievous smile appear on her face. She poked my nose back.

"Boop." She teased.

She acted so adorably. I never could take it when she acted like this. It was so cute and i loved it.

"Hey Bryce, guess what?" She told me.

"Yes love?" i asked.

She jumped on me. She laid on top of me on the couch. She looked up at me.

"I'm gonna floof you!" She teased.

"Not if i floof you first." I teased back.

"It's too late, I already floofed you!" She teased. "You are now Floofy McFloof."
"Oh yea!" I said back. "Well i just floofed you! You are now Precious McFloof."

"Oh no! We floofed each other." she said.

"That's okay, I love floofy things." I said. I pulled her down and hugged her. "Especially you. I love you the most, my floofy love."
I loved this. Sure, it was childish, very childish, but i liked it. I loved being childish, especially with somebody i loved. She made my life so much better. I couldn't imagine living without her...

"But i have to." I say to myself

The dream faded away, leaving me alone in bed again. All I could ever want was found within you. Why did you have to be so perfect. Why are you still so perfect. Why can't i just get over you. I don't want this curse of dreams, curse of thought, of love.

I'm no longer myself. Ever since i gave up and got you two together, I've fallen apart. I have depression now for fucks sake, I'm severely depressed because i don't have you. What do I have to do. I refuse to break this promise without your permission. You think i promised to never leave you, and i did too at first. I know now what i really promised. I promised to wait on you. I promised to never stop loving you no matter how bad you hurt me. You want to know why I promised that? because i knew i could keep it, and i still can. I still will.

These dreams, this curse, this pain, I'm willing to bear it out of hopes of having you one day. I love you so much more than anybody. I want you, Raine. Whether its love or lust, i dont know anymore, but if wanting to hold you in my arms is lustful, then give me my first class ticket to hell because I'm not willing to repent for it.

This is my curse now. I own this curse. Nobody will ever fall for you as hard as i have. These dreams are my curse now...

"Why? Why me. Why do you love me so much. I have done nothing for you and you love me enough to die for me." She messaged. "What is it about me that you love so much!"

"Raine... You doubt yourself. You have done so much more for me than you will ever know." I responded.

"What! What did I do for you!" She angrily responded

"You did something that nobody i have met ever tried to do, and that was try to make me happy." I responded, undeterred by her anger. "And you succeeded. you managed to put a smile on my face, a real smile, for the first time in years."

"So you fell in love with me because i made you happy!" She responded

"No." I immediately responded. "You made me happy because i fell in love with somebody. I found this perfect person i was willing to wait on, somebody i would never give up when i got the chance. I fell in love with you because you are perfect. You never hurt me when i didn't deserve it. You were always nice to me. You did things for me, and i did things for you too. I have given you more than i ever gave anybody else. I love you more than anything on this planet. You are the perfect person to me and nothing would make me happier than for you to give me the one thing i have asked of you, a chance."
"Oh..." She replied.

"I'm not asking for one now. I'm not going to ask for one again." I sent "You know i love you, and I'm never going to leave you. You know where i am. You know where to find me. I will always be here for you."


I will never stop loving you.