Everybody has struggles in life. Finding themselves, dealing with feelings or other people, trying to keep yourself on the right track, to provide or even trying to survive life. Most people live and work to survive. I never had a "9 to 5 - mentality". I knew life was much more than that. Life is what you make of it. All these sayings about life really inspired me. I took it very serious. It made me realise I would never be the person to do an office job or work at a restaurant for example. I wanted to offer the world something they would remember. Something they would learn from, so they would feel inspired by me. I always was the one to help other people. I gave them advice about life and helped them solve their problems. And even though my life wasn't perfect, people really made me feel like they learned something from me. They felt comfortable sharing their stories with me. And as I said, my life wasn't perfect. And the biggest struggle was to use my own advise for my own problems.
There was a part in my life where I had to be my own best friend. I had to be my own hero and save myself from all those miserable thoughts and feelings. I always saved other people, but who would save me? I realised that it was the person I saw in the mirror everyday. Nobody who would understand my life better than I did. Nobody who would solve my problems for me. I learned to live my life regardless if people will help me or not, regardless if people will talk shit about me or do things to bring me down. I loved and cared more about other people than myself. I used to put my feelings aside to help other people. But time has changed and I learned that I'm important and I needed to love myself more. In fact I needed to love myself first to be completely happy. To find happiness and love I had to realise that I was important and I needed to take care of myself first before helping others. Because relying on somebody else's happiness means their emotions are in control of you. And as sad as is sounds, you should be good with or without other people. Your emotions should not be influenced by every bad situation. You control your emotions and feelings and not the other way round. Life has it's ups and downs. You can never have a perfect life. I could no longer let everything affect me. I needed to be strong for myself and for a greater purpose.
When you learn yourself to be alone and rely on yourself it's hard to let somebody in. It's hard to trust somebody. Because you created independency in taking care of your feelings. You rather keep everything to yourself than to share your problems with somebody else. Nobody would experience or feel the way I did or will ever do. Nobody could solve my problem, because it wasn't as easy as it seemed. Everybody sees things from another perspective. We all experienced life in other ways. That's why nobody could ever judge another person's life, opinion or decision. People mostly do what is best for themselves. And maybe it's not always the right decision, but sooner or later that person will realise that. That's why it was (and actually still is) hard for me to let somebody take care of my feelings. People had controled my emotions for too long. I could not afford that any longer. But to tell yourself you need nobody when you need somebody the most, is the worst ever. You're walkig away from everybody who is trying to reach you.
