A Safe Place

I take the blade in my right hand. Fiddling it with my thumb and index finger. Put the blade on my warm skin and the coldness of the blade gives me shivers. I think.... I have many ways of doing this.

I have pills, I have the blade, or I can drown myself, and many more. So I go to the kitchen, and take the sleeping and pain killers, from the cabinet. Closing it, and making sure, I don't wake no one up, it is about 11:30.

I write a note, to my only friend I trust, a note for only her.

Dear, Nicole

I'm sorry, by now you may have found out i'm gone. I just can't take it any more. I think this world, would be better off with out me. I just want to tell you, that you are my family, and it may sound dumb but, you are my family, you are my sister. You have been there with me, through thick and thin, and thank you, for everything you do for me. I mean it, from the bottom of my heart, but at last, I cant handle being in this place, I feel....... Unwanted.

And, maybe this is for the best.

Goodbye , Nicole

~Jane~

I walk to my room, and open the two bottles, and lay the pills on my bed. And say 1 for my mom and another for my dad 2 more for my sister and brother 1 for all the bullies, another for me, trying to be the best daughter, I can be and I push another pill closer to that one, and sigh. I obviously failed really bad. And 4 more, for the rest of my judgmental, so called, "family". I put 2 more next to those.

For all the people saying how ugly, and stupid I am, and a lot of other harsh words. They say "sticks and stones, may break my bones, but words may NEVER hurt me", but let me tell you one thing, they are WRONG!!! Words hurt like hell, it feels feels a knife, going through your stomach.

And how about 1 more? For every time my mother didn't believe in me.

And 2 more, for every time, my mom cheated on my dad.

1 for those times my sister cut herself .

Another for my brother, and his anger problems.

2 for every fist fight, I ever got in, with my sister.

And another 2, for every time my brother bit, pushed, or hit me. Oh, and lets not forget every time my parents fought, whether it was with each other or us i'll put 2 in there for that. 

And 1 just for good luck! (note the sarcasm)

I get the pills and count them I have 23 pills these are just some of the problems in my life, but any way, I wouldn't even consider my, 'so called life', a life. I would say it is a Living HELL. I take the pills in my hand, and pull it closer to my mouth. And before, I drop the first one, in my mouth, my phone rings.

I pick it up, i see the caller I.D, and sure enough, it was Nicole. I answer and she blurts out "are you ok???"

"uhh... Yeah .. umm why?" I said a bit unsure.

" Well I am having a uneasy feeling like something was wrong are you telling me a lie Jane?" She says

"well.... Some what of a lie.." I said as my voice comes out more shaky then I expected.

" Jane!?! What is wrong!! Are you ok"

"yo-you cant get mad at,me ok?" Even tho I knew she would kill me her self.

"Okay, now tell me.."

"well I was gonna kill myself..." I rush myself, saying the end really fast.

But she caught me. I should have known better, Nicole can spot, if something was wrong 14,000 miles away.

"I'm on my way ok?" It sounded more like a demand, than a question.

"Alright.." I sigh.

"Okay, and be ready we are going to,a park so you can, get out of that house!"

*5 minutes later I see her out side my window she walked we don't live far maybe a couple blocks down from each other, so I walk outside*

"Ok, lets go." Nicole said as she hugged me.

Ok. Yes, I know the names. Oh well, I wrote this and only my best friend, Kayla, knows. Well, tell me what you think, and comment on how you like it.