one more day

5

Michael: Good morning :)

Michael: Geez you sleep late lol

Michael: Afternoon, I still had that question lol. Hope you're okay 

I didn't want to wake up today, anyday for that matter. Because everyday's the same and I had been waiting so long for things to change.

4 days. 4 days was all I could think about.

4 days and I would be gone. No longer needing to worry about what kind of dreadful day lied ahead of me and no longer having to remember the horrible days that i had endured long before.

The only thing that stopped me from doing it sooner was was deciding what method to use.

I just don't understand how. How I could have possibly gone from a happy, always smiling 5 year old, to.. this person, this suicidal freak.

Oh wait, I do understand. This was all caused by two people who I thought loved me but only fell to their own selfish and malice ways. They didn't care about me, they never did. And nobody ever would. 

Last night was one of the harder nights, the beatings that followed his disgusting actions were more austere and painful than usual. His vulgar language made me sick to my stomach and after throwing up during him trying to get off on his own daughter, it only made him more irate than he already had been due to the drinking.. The abuse felt ongoing, never-ending and the punches became more brutal. But oh, I didn't cry during the actions. I never did. What would that do but only make it feel as though it was dragging on longer.

I stayed in bed all day, not even moving. I laid still, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. Thinking, reminiscing the only good memories I had.

The 'I love you's' I once got from my so called "parents". The 'friend' I once had that stuck a big old butchers knife in my back. It was heartbreaking to think about it all. And I stayed, crying for what felt like centuries before I actually answered any of Michael's texts.

Me: sorry!! I had a crazy morning lol

He responded almost immediately. He must've been waiting for me. 

No.

He was bored. Had nothing better to do than talk to me.

Michael: it's okay. What made it so crazy? 

It took a second before I could finally come up with some type of answer that would win him over to believe me and hopefully not ask any further questions.

Me: Just some things my dad asked me to do. But hey, what was that question you had??

Michael: oh right, well my birthday's in 4 days. And I wanted to get to know you more sooo I wanted to know if you would come to my party. 

4 days? Ugh, really? I moaned. 

Me: the 20th? well 1. happy early birthday haha :) and 2. I think i have plans that day...

Me: i'm sorry

Michael: oh. yeah. okay yeah. it's okay :/ I was just hoping to see you again soon. But maybe another day? and I can still get to know you better over the phone i suppose :) who knows, maybe you'll change your mind

He wanted to get to know me? He invited me to his party to get to know me? Even though I declined, he still wanted to learn more about me?

No. He'd probably leave me. Standing in some corner wishing I would've just stayed home and suffer whatever my dad threw at me that night.