To be or not to be? (Book #1)

Chapter 14

Ashley smiled when she woke up next to Alex again the next morning, but then her eyes flew open when she realized that she couldn't quite remember what had happened last night. She was staring at Alex's face, trying to remember if she had said anything embarrassing or revealing last night. She couldn't tell him that she loved him, or about any of the feelings she had for him, and she felt anxiety well up in her chest, hoping that she hadn't told him about either. She watched him with a soft expression on her face, despite the whirling thoughts in her mind, and soon, his eyes opened. He smiled when he caught her looking at him.

"Good morning." He said. She smiled and winced slightly at her pounding headache.

"Good morning." She said.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked, smirking at her with a weird expression on his face that Ashley couldn't quite interpret.

"Wonderfully. You?" She decided she'd just be honest. He snuggled closer to her, their foreheads touching.

"Same." He said quietly. It was all Ashley could do to not let out a shaky breath, her heart pounding in her chest, which made her head pound in her ears.

"Um..." She started hesitantly "What exactly happened last night?" She asked. Alex laughed at her.

"Ah, yes, I forgot that you're a blackout drunk." Alex said with a smile.

"Oh, I am not." Ashley said, frowning. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, we just talked about your dad." He said. Suddenly last night came flooding back to Ashley. Laying in Alex's bed, wishing so badly for his lips to be on hers, wanting him to hold her, not just in a friendly way, but in a romantic way, wanting to tell him everything, how she loved him and how much she cared for him... And her dad. Tears sprang into her eyes when she thought about their conversation about her father. She replayed it in her head, the tears accidentally overflowing.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry." Alex said, wiping a tear away and placing his hand on her face, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. Ashley shook her head.

"I'm sorry... It's just.. I don't know. As much as I don't want to admit it, I just wish that he'd love me as much as he loves them." That was the first time Ashley had ever said that out loud. Sure, she thought it multiple times, but she was too busy being strong on the outside for those words to come out. Then, all of a sudden, there they were, lingering in the air. She finally said how she really felt about her father, and somehow it broke her heart even more. She closed her eyes, more tears escaping as she tried to push them away. Alex's arms were around her less than one second after the words came out of her mouth.

"He does, Ashley, he loves you." He tried to reassure her. She just shook her head, pulling away from him reluctantly.

"No, he doesn't. He doesn't care and he never will." Ashley said, getting upset.

"I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do. But I do know that he does love you." Alex repeated, trying to pull her close again. She shoved away from him, nearly falling off of his bed, then standing up. Alex sat up, startled at her sudden mood change.

"No, he doesn't! If he loved me he would talk to me, or maybe come around once in a while, but I haven't seen him in 3 months, and he doesn't even care!" Ashley cried and folded her arms across her chest, as if to supress the pain. Alex stood up and reached out for her, catching her arm and bringing her into a tight hug, her arms still folded. He rested his cheek on the top of her head. She was trembling.

"I'm sorry Ashley. He should care. I know you miss him. I know you're angry with him. I'm sorry." He said, his chest vibrating on Ashley's face with every word, his deep voice soothing her. She finally settled down and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.