You.
you were all i could think about as i saw you.
hanging by a thread, or better yet a strip of your ripped bedsheet, from the ceiling fan.
i called to you. Once, twice, but not a third time. After the second time I noticed everything else.
i noticed how your shirt had been ripped open by what I hope was your own frustration with yourself than someone else's doing. But I knew it was neither.
i knew you had ripped open your shirt in the effort of prying the strip of bedsheet off of your throat and letting air into your lungs..you were suffering even in the thing you thought would put you out of your misery.
i noticed how old scars and bloody new thin lines scattered your bare legs and forearms. All i could do was stare, willing them to disappear off of your frail body. But, they didnt.
i noticed your face, after a while of not wanting to see it again because i knew it would haunt me forever. Your face purple from lack of oxygen, in contrast to you usually pale and perfect complexion.
i noticed a small vein in your forehead showing through your purple skin, it was trying to pump blood in attempts to keep your body running.
i had to look away. I was sobbing and my face was contorted in pain, sadness, anger, and many other emotions i couldnt name but i know i felt them.
you were here. dead. right in front of me. And i was too late to save you from the darkness that pushed you to death.
your body, i noticed next. Bruised and terribly skinny. You looked like you avoided food like it was the plague for months at a time.
the room i had noticed last, but i wished i hadnt noticed it at all. Pills, tissues covered in crimson blood, your mirror was shattered and there was glass littering the floor. Your bed was soaked in the same red liquid as the tissues and your arms..i felt like i was about to faint.
the temperature in the room was getting hotter and denser, so dense i felt suffocated. My face was drenched in sweat and tears, my hair all over from yanking and tugging at it in hopes to get some answers from your lifeless body or thinking of reasons why you did this to yourself.
Why? Why would you leave me? Why did you do this so suddenly? Were you suffering by yourself? How long were you feeling this way? Why didnt you tell me?
So many questions ran through my head as i sat and watched them take your body away..
Kim Taehyung, why did you do this..?
