Today could've been a milestone. Albeit, a small one...but what matters is that it could've been. It should've been, if it weren't for my dumb ass. It wasn't an anniversary...just a mini monthly celebration. Our nod to the fact that it was another month of life together. I'm here thinking about the coulds, shoulds and woulds and it kills me inside knowing I can't have it...I can't come hold your hand, I can't come kiss you, I can't come rest my head where your neck meets your shoulder.
Life is so different without you...and although I have you in a sense, I should be grateful. You're still alive and breathing, you're still in my life, but you're a friend. No matter how good of a friend you are there is still a boundary that separates 'friend' and 'boyfriend'. One that I can't cross, one that filters all the love I have for you into 'drive safely's and funny jokes. One that means I can't feel your love. So I have you, but I don't. Its as if we were one person and we got split into two, placed on two sides of a river, I burnt the bridge by foolish choices, and now all I can do is wave 'Hello!' from my side, because I never learnt to swim even though you tried to teach me...
And I miss my other half.
