Body

All my life I have always hated the way I looked. Who doesn't? But who the hell does. And it's sad that it's true no one is happy with the way they look. We should all be proud of who we are. I feed that bullshit to people but have never been able to take that advice for myself. I was a skinny kid then my freshman year of high school I got fat. Everyone around me always told me I wasn't but I really was. For years I just hated myself and everything about me. Somehow this year I lost the weight. I dropped from a size 10 to a size 4. But I didn't do it in a healthy way. I don't have an eating disorder I just hate my body image. I still do and past me would have dreamed to look the way I do now. Years of emotional abuse from someone who was awful to me didn't help that situation. I didn't do anything specific to lose the weight. I didn't eat much for a while. I did eat just not that much or that often. Some people find comfort in food. I do in that moment of eating it then for the next week I hate myself for doing it. And I hate that I feel that way. I have eaten something every day this week and I hate myself for it. I was able to shrink my stomach to the size of a peanut but the fact that I am sad all the time makes me hungry. I swore to myself I would never get back to the way I was before. And I have that fear with every bite of food I take. Why do I feel that way? Why can't I just be happy with the way I am? Why do we all feel this way? Society is trying to take back the body shaming by adding "plus" sized models but it really doesn't help. Fact it makes thing worse because it was us humans who destroyed the image of our natural bodies in the first place. We were given out bodies we should love and appreciate them not want to be something we are not. But here I am feeding this strong empowerment but I can't even take that advice for myself.