To Love Again

Chapter One

As soon as I made it to my car, I broke down.

Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to spill with a simple blink of an eye. I willed them to stay put as I drove myself to the neighborhood Target and parked in the back end of the parking lot. It was desolate there with the closest car being at least fifty feet away, easy. My only companion was a single, tall streetlight. It gave off a sterile white glow, leaving the space with an eerie feeling. 

Damn, I thought, my life is a trainwreck. 

I sat with my forehead settled against the steering wheel. My breath hiccupped. I went to inhale, but instead I found myself struggling to breathe. My lungs felt tight, screaming for air. I gasped relentlessly as my hand, shaking as if it was in the middle of a tremor, fumbled with the door. With a desperate push, it finally swung open. I threw myself into the crisp, frigid night as quickly as I could physically manage. I shut my driver's side door and leaned against my car, wheezing as I caught my breath.

A headache drummed through my skull and made me painfully aware of my already-bloodshot eyes. Burying my head in my arms, I let the tears come. They were silent and slow, leaving my cheeks tearstained like rain on the wing of a dusty plane. I could taste the salt on my lips. I had been expecting jarring sobs. I had loved him, after all. It felt like my body was taking it easy on me. I appreciated it, after the mess of a day I'd had.

I was so angry with myself. I should have seen it. I was such an idiot. There were so many warning signs, and I had missed every last one of them. I felt so lied to, so used. I let myself wallow in my own misery. 

That is, until a gentle "Miss?" tore me away from my cryfest. 

Startled, my head snapped up and I ran my fingers under my eyes to check for mascara smudges. My face was certainly red and blotchy, but I didn't have the energy to care. I sniffled, not even glancing to see who was there. I couldn't be bothered. I swallowed the lump in my throat and dared to speak.

"Y-yes?" My voice cracked as I choked out the word, staring blankly at my hands. I didn't want to see the look of pity that I was certainly receiving.

"Um, I just wanted to check if you were okay... You, uh, seem like you've had a rough day."

"Oh, you wouldn't believe how bad my day has been," I said with a bitter chuckle. "Definitely makes it into my top three."

"I'm sorry to hear that... I'd um, you know, love to talk about it with you over some coffee."

I turned, finally bringing my gaze away from my hands and met the eyes of this stranger. He was my age, tall, and had quite chiseled features. His chestnut hair was pushed back like he ran his fingers through it often. I suppose he was cute in his own, boyish way, but he was no Matt. Matt. 

I sighed. This was dangerous, stupid even, but I supposed I didn't really want to be alone at a time like this. He did seem rather kind, at least. Maybe I'll be lucky and not get kidnapped. Even if I did, my life was over anyways. So why not take a chance?

"You know what, I'll take you up on that offer. I could use someone to talk to right now. Just promise you won't lead me to some dark alleyway and murder me and hide my body in a dumpster." I meant it, but I could feel the mood lighten regardless.

"I think that's doable. Not doing any of that, that is. I'm Jack, by the way."

"Elle. Now, Jack, where do you find a coffee shop open at nine at night?"

"It's a place called Caffeinated Bean. I'll show it to you. It's about a five-minute walk from here, so I hope you're not in heels." He said it jokingly, but I could tell he was genuinely a little worried about my choice in footwear. I almost laughed at how that was what he thought I would worry about. Because the whole taking-a-walk-with-a-stranger-at-night thing isn't weird at all. The things I do to clear my head.

"Today was a flats kind of day," I reassured, grabbing my phone and purse. "Now, let's go get some coffee."

We'd been walking for no longer than a minute when Jack piped up.

"So, um... Are you, by any chance, single?" He asked nonchalantly.

My jaw clenched. I was taken aback to say the least. Who does this guy think he is? He asks me, a crying, mess of a girl to go get some coffee so he can console me, if I'm single?  What kind of asshole! That's when I realized that this must be just the kind of guy he is. Pick up some sad girl off the street and there you go, an instant bedmate. This was a bad idea from the start. 

Without warning, I turned around and began power walking in the direction of the Target. If I walked fast enough, I figured I could make it to my car in thirty seconds and get the hell out of here.

I was about to break into a dead sprint when I felt a hand firmly grasp my arm, yanking me to a halt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean t--"

"Stop. I knew this was a bad idea. I should go back to my car. Just- just leave me alone, okay?"

Jack let go of my arm. I knew that I hit a nerve in him, and I couldn't help but feel bad. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. But he was the one who was an inconsiderate jackass, so it balanced out.

"Fine," he said in defeat, "but only if you let me walk you back."

I weighed the options in my head. Go with the sketchy stranger to coffee shop, or let the sketchy stranger walk me back to my car? Both sounded bad, and he had already managed to offend me... So why was I hesitating? Why was I still contemplating? If I wanted to be alone, why did I say yes in the first place, back at my car? Why didn't I take his offer now and run with it?

Because goddamn it, I was lonely. And deep down, I knew that I didn't want to be.

"No. Take me to the coffee shop."

Jack pulled back in surprise. I could tell he was excited by his expression-- He looked like a toddler on Christmas, getting just what he wanted.

"Oh, really? I mean, yeah, okay. Let's go, then," he said. His hand reached up and mindlessly combed itself through his hair as we, once again, began walking.

I could've sworn we had walked five miles by the time we reached Caffeinated Bean. Maybe it was because I was already worn out from my emotional rollercoaster of a night, but I was sore all over and had even broken a sweat.

Caffeinated Bean was a small, cozy mom-and-pop place on Maple Street. It wasn't too far from my house since I lived off of 116th Street. I was surprised I had never heard of it before. It was open until eleven, so Jack and I each picked up a decaf latte and settled in on two of the many couches. My headache had begun to subside, but I could still feel it. It was distant, but there. I rubbed my eyes and took a sip of coffee.

"Ah! That's hot!" I exclaimed. I had burnt my tongue. Just the cherry on top of my disaster of a day.

"Oh, yeah. I should've warned you. They make the drinks really hot here."

"Thanks, but you're a little late with that."

We sat in silence and sipped our drinks. After a few minutes, Jack set his cup down on the coffee table in front of us, stretched, and turned to me.

"You trust me. Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Back at your car, you agreed to come here, even though you didn't know me. Then again, when you could've gone home and never seen me again. I know you were skeptical both times. I could tell. So why did you come? Why did you trust me?"

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Did I trust him? I didn't think so. I was still on edge around him, ready to bolt at any moment... But still, here I was. So I had to at least trust him a little, right? No.

"Don't get too cocky. Don't mistake my coming here as trust. I've just had a bad day and need to get my mind off some things. You just so happened to offer to help."  I was just upset. I couldn't let my emotions blur my vision. I had to focus. Jack was still a stranger, and I had absolutely no reason to trust him.

"Okay, well, on that note, let's get started. What exactly happened today that made you cry in a Target parking lot?"

I sighed. This was going to be a long night.

"Well, it all started when..."