Glimpses

Blades

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Just thinking about the shit that has happened. Why? Why? Why? Why does it have to be this way. I'm fat, ugly, stupid. Feeling the cold blade slide across my arm. Everything starts to get numb. Feeling numb is better than feeling this way. So much pressure on my chest. It hurts so bad. My heart beat starts to slow down. Deeper breaths every time I slide the blade across my thighs now. I ran out of room on my arms. So much blood. My last cut is the deepest one. I hide my blade inside the shampoo bottle. I don't care if I die, I don't care if I get an infection. I get ready for school. My arms bleed through the shirt. "I don't give a shit." I say to myself. "I'll just wear a hoodie." I throw on a black hoody and look in the mirror. You can see the details of my ribs but all I see is fat. I look tired. My lip cut up from getting punched. I don't care. "Get your fucking ass down here!" Yells Cindy. I run down stairs. "Get to school now!" Screams Cindy. "I don't want you here." I go out the door without even looking or saying anything. I start running to school. It's still dark. I start to cry. I drop to my knees. I look at my fingers and they are all cut up. I take a few deep breaths. I get to school and go to my first period. I don't want to be here. As I walk into the door, the teacher isn't there yet. My bully, Victor, grabs my hand forcefully. He looks at my fingers and laughs. "Of coarse a fucking white girl would do this. You are weak." He says laughing. His friends gather around me. The push me around. "Anorexic bitch!" They yell. The bell rings and they sit down. I can't tell a teacher or else the bullies will tell them the school that I self harm. Then the school would tell my mom and she would hit and yell at me. I can't tell the school that my mom is abusive or else I will have no place to be until I'm 18. I will just wait it out until I'm 18. At least I can get a job. I have a job at a coffee shop. I ask if I can go to the bathroom, then I leave school. I text my best friend, Issac.
"Hey, will you meet me somewhere?"

"Yeah sure, where?"

"At the mall."

"Okay sure, right now or after school?"

"Now please."

"Okay I'll be there in a second."

I walk to the mall and it is pretty empty. I go to the front doors and see Issac. I give him a hug and almost cry. I felt so much anxiety at school. My mom and the bully made it worse. I've known Issac since I was 13 and I'm 14 now, almost 15. He is 16 almost 17. "Are you okay?" He asks. I just look at him and tears fill my eyes. He hugs me again. It's cold outside. He rolls up my sleeves. "Jay.." He says as his voice cracks. "Have you eaten today?" He asks. I say nothing. "Come on, I'll get you something." We go to the food court and he gets me coffee and a cookie. I look at the food as he orders something for himself. He gets the same thing. I just look at the food. "Please eat. For me?" He says. I drink some coffee and take a bite of the cookie. "Thank you." He says. He grabs my hand and looks at my bruises on my knuckles. He sees the cuts too. I feel.. weird. I like that he is holding my hand. It feels comforting. We go to his house after that and his parents are never home. We play video games. He always calms me down. I rest my head on his shoulder. He feels warm. It looks cold outside. I smile.
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It is now 12:00 pm. His parents are still not home. "I don't want to go home." I say. "Maybe we can spend the night at Ethan's house. There will probably be a snow day tomorrow." He says. "Wanna ask?" I ask. "I'll text him, will your mom care?" He asks. "She won't care, she never does." He texts Ethan while his arm around me.

END OF CHAPTER
Hey guys, sorry this was so short. I got tired. Anyways have a good day (;