Words We Could Never Find

Three

You know what's crazy about all of this? It's not the fact that the situation is cliché. The whole 'I like my best friend' concept. It's a part of it, I have to admit, but the craziest? It was us.

We weren't just a couple. We were still best friends. You still act like a protective older brother, a strict father, but above all, you were a loving boyfriend.

When I said crazy, I meant in a good way.

It's almost surreal, you know? How you reciprocated my feelings. I would never have thought that you would see me as more than a friend. You've helped me so much, especially since I lived alone.

I was falling for you, and I didn't mind. You had already catched me. You had already told me you love me while I on the other hand, was still fighting back my crush on you.

~~

Thanksgiving had rolled around and for the first time in my whole life, I was spending it without my uncle Fabian. I was okay now but I was still learning to accept it.

"How's your aunt?" Dad asked, breaking the silence as his voice came from the other end of the twenty feet long table.

He was seated along with Julian's parents as they talked about adult stuff. It was the first time Julian's family joined us for Thanksgiving. My dad and Julian's dad had been getting along well and were already planning on a new business soon. It was crazy.

My eyes fleeted to Julian who was sitting beside me. He smiled amusedly, his lips pressed tightly together to surpress his laughter. He was finding this situation funny, like he always does whenever we visited my dad.

I gave him a warning look before I answered my dad, "She's been okay."

I saw my dad nod though I wasn't sure. It was too far for me to see and I had to squint my eyes just to see if he was still paying attention to me.

"That's good. It's such a shame she couldn't make it." he replied with sympathy.

My dad was very close to uncle Fabian, and aunt Gina told me before that she and mom had become as tight as sisters.

Dad continued to converse with Mr. and Mrs.Trent while I continued eating in peace. It was nice not having to hear their conversation. It was probably all about business.

"You look bored." Julian commented after I sighed for the tenth time, my chicken salad untouched.

"I am bored." I said in affirmation, puffing out my cheeks.

Julian smiled, "Well, at least we get to spend Thanksgiving together."

My heart leapt in my chest at his words. He didn't say that to tease me or anything. He said that because that's how he feels.

Julian had been the best boyfriend any girl could ask for. I'm thankful, very thankful. Julian never lets a day pass without making me feel that he was in love with me.

He's in love with me. I was still getting used to that.

But I can't freely express my feelings for him. I like him, and he knows that, but I know that he can't help wishing that my feelings were of the same level as his.

He loves me and I was still in the falling stage. I felt kind of guilty. I wasn't sure when I'll be able to tell him I love him because I wouldn't know. I've never been in love before. I don't wanna ask him because I'm too shy to do so.

Sometimes, I can't help but think what if. What if Julian got tired of waiting for me to say I love him? He doesn't say anything but I know, I feel that he wouldn't mind hearing those three words. What if I never get to tell him? What if he met someone else and realizes that being with me was a mistake?