The confusion of the world gets to me. This is why I love wattpad- I get to free write, let my feelings out and let others consider things they haven't before. It's great!!!! Feel free to comment. If you can relate- go ahead and let it out. I love hearing from people!
~Cameryn -Dated- Febuary 19, 2012. 10:30 pm
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Sitting alone, as usual, I mule over the reason of why I'm not asleep yet. Considering I am as dog-tired, it is a mystery. Or is it? My mind is racing, my heart is pounding against my rib cage- but for what?
It's because I dread the next day.
I dread everyday. I worry, I hurt, and I stray farther and farther away from those around me. I shut the world out behind my mahogany door in hopes that I can escape it. Outside my room lies my abusive father in Kansas, with his abusive girlfriend and devil child. I dread the upcoming days when I have to spend my time there. It's like a prison.
I hate school. The teasing, the drama, the stress. I fall behind on school work, and therefore get a bad reputation. Then my mom harps on me about it. She harps on me about everything. I try to obey, I try to do things right, but as messed up as my mind is right now, I can't seem to do anything. I feel useless. I'm a shut-in. I don't want to talk to anybody. Won't people leave me alone?
How is it when I'm sad- I get yelled at? When I try my very best, it seems like that isn't good enough. How is it that I get teased just because of who I am? So, I'm not the prettiest girl. So, I'm not the thinnest. Can people not look past looks and uncover the real person I am, and the real person I try to be? How is that fair? How is it when I don't do anything, I still get yelled at?
Did I miss something here?
The last couple months, I've lost some weight. I now only really care to eat 1 meal. I don't really feel like eating anymore. I only get about 4 hours of sleep because my mind won't shut down. I'm vanishing with the dust, my energy is gone.
I don't mean to be like this, world.
So please, stop blaming me for everything, stop blaming me for everything that people do to me.
That isn't my fault!
Did I miss something here?
