Bad Choices

six

Late night thoughts: Yes ,mom. I'm fine... just like I was five hours ago.

I slowly open my eyes. The bright daylight streaming into the apartment, throwing a fairy-like light onto the floor and walls.

Harry lays next to me, his face has completely missed the pillow. Strands of hair laying over his face. He looks so peaceful.

I can't help but to smile into the pillow, hiding my grin. Nothing in my life feels right but him. He always feels right. And I know love is a dangerous game to play but I can't help myself. I can't fight love.

Carefully I brush a strand of his messy brown hair away and move my hand to his shoulders, tracing the outline of his flower tattoo there. Under that flower is a little Z, written in a pretty curvy handwriting. A tattoo he got with me a while back after having a bit too much to drink.

I gently kiss the Z, that is symbolizing my name. Harry moves, muttering, before his silver eyes open, staring into mine.

"I can never understand your eyes," He mumbles, his voice thick with sleep. "In this light, their green but yesterday I could have sworn they were blue."

"Maybe they are like a mood ring," I grin, my voice sleepy as his.

"A mood ring?" he laughs.

"Yes, like when I'm sad their blue and when I'm happy they are green."

"So you are happy now?" He smiles.

"Very."

***

Harry had to go to work, it is a normal Friday after all. But since I don't work today I called Cleo and we decided to meet up in a nearby park.

"So you guys slept together?" She says, licking her strawberry ice cream of the spoon. Twisting it in her mouth like she always does.

"Mhm," I mumble, busy with my own chocolate flavored ice cream.

We are walking down the park that is next to empty. It isn't much of a park. Mostly some grass, a few trees and some toys for children to play with as well as a kiosk where we bought the ice cream.

"What are you? Back together?" We sit down on a green painted park bench. Her question echoed in my head. I really don't know. We never got to talk about it. He had to rush to work and I was left behind. Harry is a mystery, he has always been and as much as I like to fight it, that is probably the reason he has me pinned down with such a tight grip like he does. He always leaves me wanting more.

"We were never together." I avoid the question. It's true. We never were.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry. You were just friends with benefits." I know Cleo isn't happy about this. She saw me go through hell and back over Harry. She knows what effect he has on me. She is scared but not as scared as I am.

"I know you think this is a bad idea-"

"No, I think it's a terrible idea."

"But, have an open mind. I'm terrified of getting hurt again and I know I'm crazy for wanting more of him, for hoping for more... but can you blame me?" I shake my head, "I have to try, I may be hunting a feeling that doesn't exist in the first place and maybe I'm just opening up to be hurt once more. But I love him, Cleo...and you do stupid things while in love."

"I know you do. Why you wanted to still be friends after what he did I will never understand. I respect your decision, I don't like it one bit but I will respect it. But just so you know, you shouldn't beg for his love, he should offer it to you with open arms. And if he treats you like shit one more time I will beat the hell out of him."

"I expect nothing less from you." I smile and try to ignore the voice inside my head that is telling me I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak once more.

And this time is going to hurt on hell of a lot more.