Hide and Seek

Anyone who would look at her would feel the same way as i do, every time i see her laugh, cry, run,sit, laugh and cry again. She is Wendy, a woman who walks around the hall, trying to look for someone and sits after finding none.

“Albert? Albert?” she says while searching.

When seated, she cries, screams, laughs and scratches her head. Once in a while, she laughs, but most of the time, she cries. Wendy, together with her co-patients of Bipolar Disorder or simply Manic Depression, have lots of mood swings that need to be understood not just by people who pledged to care for them like me but everyone who cares for their fellowmen, because behind their unpredictable behavior, are stories worthy of being told. 

One sunny afternoon while I was walking Wendy to the home's garden, she noticed the tree that stood tall at the corner of the garden. She walked to the tree and sat under it. I followed without hesitation hoping that I would be able to understand her situation and get to know her better.

When I was hired to care for her, I thought, when I read her record, that her case is just another tale of a broken heart. Not until that day - that afternoon when I heard her speak words other than “Albert”. She made a revelation, something that caught me by surprise, something that opened my mind and touched my heart.

“We....Oh!We played ooooll the time.” she said as she clapped excitedly.

I looked at her and loved the smile that she had on her face. The sun kissed her eyes as she smiled, causing her eyes to sparkle like I have never seen before. 

“We played. Here oh..uhmmm... under our tree. I was nine and he was eight...uhmm...We we're veeeeeerrrry happy!”.

She started to play with her hair, twisting them with her forefinger.

“Until... I turned 18, he said...uhmm... he said he loved me sooooo much. I loved him too, that's why there was no ligaw-ligaw na. We became ON right AWAAAAY!” she said.

“I thought Papa will like him, kasi, he's Manong Andres' son.  Manong Andres is our driver. Pero hindi eh.. Papa said bad boy daw siya and he was poor....” she showed a sad face with her lower lip out.

I did not know what to say so I continued to listen.

She looked around.“But....but...I love him...I LOVE YOU!!!” she screamed.

I held her hand preventing her from pulling her hair. 

“Papa stopped me... He locked me inside my room,dark.... Alone...Crying.” She started crying. “I heard Albert shouting from the outside... I saw him. He was crying.”

I tried to hold back the tears that was beginning to fall from my eyes. I can't bear to hear stories that remind me that love won't save you all the time. It isn't that powerful. Sometimes it does nothing.

She looked ahead and said, “Albert? Baby? Don't cry na. I'm here na baby. I'll go down na. Wait lang...” She stood up and walked a few steps. 

“Ssshhh...Don't be noisy baby. Papa's gonna wake up.” she said placing her forefinger on her lips.

She walked to the tree where I was still sitting down. I moved to give her the space I thought she needed.

“Baby... Come to our tree. Come here na.”

She sat down and uttered,” Albert was never late. Never. He waits for me all the time here under our tree.” she said.

“But, he went to the PMA. Kasi, kasi, if he'll graduate na, Military na, he said, he will marry me.” She stood up and started to walk.

“Ten...ten...teren..Here comes the bride..” she sang while walking like a bride.

She stopped and said, “I do...I do..” she said nodding happily, then threw the imagined boquet to her back. 

She went to the tree and sat down. “ I... I always wait.. I waited here..Dito oh.. Under our tree. Until he came back!” she said happily.

She looked around and played with her hair again. “ Pero he said duty muna siya para dami pera. "

 "Then, there was a rally, ah...rumble, pala.. Marcos eh.” she sat staight and said, “I declare Martial Law!” trying to imitate Marcos.

“ Haaaay! Away mga tao.” She took a deep breath. “I told him not to go kasi Papa will meet him and talk na sila about our wedding. But he said... he said... duty siya eh... but he'll be back so okay lang'yun.”

“I waited....I waited dito oh. But he did come back so I went home na kasi curfew na eh.” 

“Mama knocked sa door.... She said... she said... Albert's dead. He was shot by a bandit...” she stopped and shouted, “NO! Baby..NO!” She started crying harder.

Before I could say anything, she said, “We went to the hospital, I saw him coverd by a.... by a... white bed sheet. BUT NO! I knew, it was not him. Uhmmm..It was just a dream!”

She took a deep breath and said, “My baby is just here waiting for me under our tree. He did not have funeral like what Papa said. He's ALIVE!”

I was about to say something when she said, “Papa was always like that. He invented stories to keep me away from Albert. But I never believed him, hmmmpp... 'kala niya?” She wiped her eyes with force. I can tell she was mad.

“Papa even locked me in this big room, and yaya injects me with water that makes me sleep... Dito oh...” she pointed at her arm. “Sakit nga eh...”

I cried realizing that I was the yaya she was referring to. 

“My baby is alive. He keeps promises. He's here under our tree, waiting for me.”

She looked around and shouted, “ALBERT! ALBERT!Baby come here na. Where are you?” she stood up. “Baby?... Baby?... Hide and seek ba'to?”

She covered he eyes with her hand and said, “Bilang ako tatlo...one...two...three..!” she removed her hands and opened her eyes. She looked around and said, “Baby, talo na 'ko...Nah..hmp..” she showed a sad face. 

I stared blankly not noticing that my patient was already inside the hall, running around, looking for Albert. She searched everywhere and anywhere.

All this time she was playing 'hide and seek'. The game she played throughout her life.