Why am I still here? Can someone remind me? {S/MB}

Im gonna cry...

Guys... I'm not trying to get attention but don't be surprised if I cry... Over the past week or so a lot of things have been happening, adding to my already existing stress. My dad's dad was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. He's still alive but he's in a state where he may pass. My mom's dad is in a state where's he's constantly forgetting things. He has some disease. And today? Lord let me tell you about today. So this is the reason I'm going to cry. I was at my mom's parent's house (I was at my dad's yesterday) and I usually am glad to stay and talk to my relatives. But I just can't today. My uncle is smoking inside. The smell of smoke makes me sick to my stomach. Neither of my grandparents smoke so it's a new smell for their house. Just the thought of someone smoking makes me upset. Saying all this makes me feel like people think I'm weak. I hate admitting things for fear people may be mad or I might be pushing them away... I'm clingy. I feel like I've been clinging to people a lot more recently. My fear that my friends Are going to leave me is getting stronger. I think about what I'd do if they stop being my friend. My already existing stress is bringing me down even more. I'm going to cry... Guys... Please don't feel sympathy and pity me. It doesn't help. It makes me feel like I'm pushing you away...