The Bro Code

THE ARTICLES OF THE BRO

Article 1 : Bro's before ho's

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science.

Did You Know...

Article 1 can trace it's genesis all the way back to Genisis. No, not the Peter Gabriel/Phil Collins pop triad, but the biblical book. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls has unearthed a once-lost passage that documents the earliest infringement of .

Book Of Barnabas 1:1

And everything of need was provided in that Garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick, Eve, and desired her olive leaf. And so Adam wenteth behind and apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his Bro, Phil, who had Knicks tickets, Courtside. Long story short, humankind became self-aware, paradise was lost, and well, we all know what happened to the Knicks.

Article 2 : A bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it

Note: Had Butch Cassidy come charging out of the cabin alone people would have been like, "Dude, come one". If only one Spanish dude had decided to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would've been like, "Dude, come one". If only Tommy Lee had worn eyeliner in the early day of Motley Crue, pleople would've been like, "Lady, come one". The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place.

Article 3 : If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

COROLLARY: Naming a lapdog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article

Article 4 : A Bro never divulges the existance of to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason... no, not even that reason

Note:

If you are a woman reading this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math.

Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience though the prism if stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within. *Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

Article 5 : Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.



Article 6 : A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room

COROLLARY: If a bro gets naked in a locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while, at the same time, immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage: "If a towel drops to the floor, so should your eyes".

Article 7 : A Bro never admits he can't drive, even after an accident.

Article 8 : Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three!" or "Wowm quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball". It's still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls... metaphorically speaking, of course

Article 9 : A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick

It's normal for a Bro to get confused and disorientated when dumping a chick. For some reason he's worried she'll become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to have sex with her friends. This is when a Bro most needs his Bro to remind him that there are plenty more chicks in the ocean, and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful, or even time-consuming.