Cause You are Mine

Resemblance

As soon as the car stopped I jumped out and ran to the lobby to catch the elevator in no doubt that he was following me in anger.

Standing side by side in the elevator I could feel his bursting energy that was tangible in the air and suffocating.
"I demand acquiescence" he chastised authoritatively without looking at my direction rather facing the elevator's door. "I demand my commands to be obeyed" his face shuttered his voice got compelling "Nothing fiery, nonobservant, ungrateful would ever subsist in my realm." I felt eerie.

I detected that what I was plotting would cause a little problem before I laid it this morning. But never expected to witness such kind of graveness.

"You are no exception to ask for indulgence" he slowly turned towards me with piercing eyes ready to attack in an instant. I looked away struggling for some protection from his invasive eyes. He held my chin, his thumb caressed my lower lip gently. I closed my eyes with sensation. "Well?" he asked squeezing my chin between his fingers roughly I opened my eyes with a jolt. "Don't you think I deserve an apology?" he said through clenched teeth. "No" I blurted out and regretted imminently. He grabbed my arm, his other hand still squeezing my face and dragged me out of the elevator though my feet resisted complying.

As the door of the penthouse closed behind us he threw me to the wall which I slammed like a fly on my back. I stifled my sobs as pain stabbed my spine like a bitch and tried to regain my composure. I breathed through my teeth.
He backhanded my face instantaneously and I tumbled to the floor. Not a moment after, I was picked up and slapped again. I could feel the blood dripping down my nose. My cheeks were burning with fire.

I found my semblance in silence. If he demanded my obedience I would retribute accordingly which in this case with my ignorance. I stood still until my legs wobbled and lost my balance and fell on the floor. I couldn't look him in the eye. He was hovering over me like a devil waiting his turn to grip my soul away.

I didn't shed a single tear. I only allowed my hatred to be reflected through my eyes towards this arrogant, violent, vulgarian monster. So I looked up and showed him how much I despised him at that particular moment. In that instant when our eyes met, I remembered again. I remembered the fear, anguish, pain and renunciation. The resemblance of the emotions I once forgot and now surfacing clear as a day.

He assaulted me one more time throwing punches on my jaw again and again until someone pulled him away. They both fell on the floor wrestling, throwing punches. I saw him laying parallel with me his eyes still in fury sending daggers to me. I could taste the metallic blood in my mouth.

Somebody lifted me up carried my numb body to my bedroom, slowly placing me on the bed.

"Everything is going to be okay gorgeous" he whispered. It should be Sal but I couldn't recognize clearly since my senses were all messed up.

"I'll bring you some ice for your face" I heard the door closed. I looked up to the ceiling, staring at the little shapes formed by ground lamps' shadow. The door opened, something cold touched my cheeks, somebody else shuffled in.

"Here let me take over" someone murmured.

He bent over, slightly caressing my newly forming bruises. My left eye was already beginning to narrow into a slit.

I looked at him steadily for a second. That man bit me up to the dead who was taking care of my swollen lip at that moment seemed like a forgotten lost soul in the middle of a dessert, always craving for appreciation and pat on the shoulder, like somebody I couldn't or shouldn't love but somehow irrepressible to have feelings for.

Who was I to that man to have so many strong feelings reaching the confines of obsession ultimately ending up to beating hurting?

An unforeseen enlightenment surrounded me.

Who was I to me?

I didn't need my past to describe myself or my present to define me. All I needed was my future, a lucky blank one to be filled with happy memories. If my past was pleasant enough wouldn't it worth to be remembered which I chose to forget even involuntarily?

The look in his eyes was telling me a story. A story of a broken man, treated badly to lead him to a hell of vengeance. All of the secrets he kept from me was just because he was as fragile as I was. He wanted to rewrite everything. Simple and plain yet his soul was tainted. He couldn't help it even if he wanted to. This was inevitable. This end. For him. This beginning. For me.

I saw the remorse in his sad looking eyes.

"I am sorry" he whispered still caressing my ruined face. The face which was not important at that moment, instead it was my heart that was ruined that I wished to keep impeccable until now. Now I knew that he ruined it for himself to be even with me. The naive innocent girl was too much for him, too pure and good that reflected the bad in him like a mirror to his face. He ruined it to justify the badness within.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the awareness deeply, exhaled my bitterness and unwillingness to surrender.

I carved his name on my arms because despite the fact that he hated me I adored him like an obedient slave like he taught me. He taught me to love something evil so that he could have darkened my soul. Tainted like himself. Broken.

I was his, like a doll in a dollhouse attuned to act as programmed. His dollface.

Like a dog to its Pavlov.

I continued to love him unbeknownst to the truth of his being iniquitous. He was the current in a wave which drowns you in a second renders you helpless. Helpless to darkness, to loneliness. He wanted me to be lonely for his diabolical reasons. To equalize, even out the good and the bad yet always rejected to explore the goodness in himself instead he chose to taint me. And I was there willingly mesmerized by his mystery disguised by his good looking, wealth and power as he defined as his realm beneath his fingers.

"I know you" I whispered.

"I remember you"

"You may remember me but you don't know me. How fucked up I am and twisted my life is" he whispered back.

Oh dear Lord I knew it all, not remembering all of it clearly but I sensed it with all my cells in my body.

"Please forgive me." he said.

I stared at his sinfully beautiful face, looked deep into his eyes trying to open the doors of his dark soul which I failed miserably.

"I forgive you," I whispered. "But I will never forget."

He breathed heavily.

"At least not this time" I closed my eyes and never opened them again as I felt the shift of his body sliding behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me closer to his chest. He inhaled my scent.

"I love you" he murmured or I thought so. I was not sure of what I heard so I yawned and leaned on him more. Given that the words hadn't come out his mouth I somehow felt loved because of his sincerity in apologizing.