When you die

...

You're sitting at your desk

You know it's time to go

You've said that to yourself over a million times

But this time you know

For sure is real.

You're tired

You're just so very tired

Your parents pissed you off

Like school wasn't bad enough today

You go to get the rope

Or the knife

Or the gun

Or just whatever you chose

Because you're that desperate to leave

You're ready

You think of it as some game

The first one dead

Is the first one who wins

No one's home

It's the perfect time

You're ready

If you don't do it now

You're just gonna look down at yourself even more forever

You're going to hate yourself even more

No one knows

No one will know

Until later on

Instead of getting a paper and a pen

You get the video camera

Along with a chair

you're standing on the chair

You decide to go with the rope

You're gone instantly

And there'll be no noise

One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan

While the other is already around your neck

You're in tears and you know it's for real this time

You can feel it

You turn on the video camera

And you just stare at that red light blinking upon your eyes

You start to mumble out a few words

"Mom and Dad, I'm sorry.

I don't know why I'm sorry

But I'm sorry

I just can't do this anymore

I don't even know who I am anymore

I've lost myself

And I seem to mot be able to find my way back

Please don't blame yourself

Please

I love you both

Please tell my siblings the same

Stay strong and stay safe

I'll see you all soon"

You say sorry to your best friend

Because you know you won't be there for him anymore

Especially when he needs you more than ever