depression || namjin

[1] - N

[Bipolar Disorder: A mental disorder marked by alternating periods of elation and depression.]

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Two Years Earlier

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I sat in the uncomfortable seat throwing my stress ball up in the air. I look over to my shoulder at the translucent door that is marked with the words, "Dr. Choi - 7AM - 8PM." It felt strange still being in the waiting room. It was 9PM and the only light was coming from Dr. Choi's office.

I saw my parents silhouettes through the tinted glass. I tried to listen in on what they were saying but I could only hear what my father was saying.

"I will not allow this!"

"No!"

"He is our son, darling. We can't do that to him. Doctor, please."

I knew they were talking about me, but I was still majorly intrigued.

About a half an hour later, my parents walked out of Dr. Choi's office. My father looked furious and my mother seemed neutral. Her expression changed when she smiled over at me, "Sorry for the wait, honey. Would you like to get something to eat on the way home?"

"No, that's fine," I replied. "What were you guys talking about?"

Dr. Choi patted me on the back and said, "Don't worry about it, kiddo." After thanking Dr. Choi, we finally went home.

At the dinner table, my father looked at my mother worrily. "Now?" he asked.

She sighed. "Sure." I raised my eyebrows and set my fork down on a napkin.

"Son," my father started, "you know we love you and we want what's best for you. We want to help you in any way possible, and we are looking into something that will benefit your...needs."

"What?"

My mother took over after she saw my father lose his words. "Namjoon, you're going to be at a hospital for a while. Dr. Choi said you'll be registered tomorrow."

My face turned red with anger. She seemed to notice this, because she ran over to me and started to rub my shoulder, like she usually does. "Shh, it's okay," she repeated. I broke down into tears and stood up, pushing her with all my might. She fell backwards and landed her back on the wall. I kicked away my chair and knocked over my glass. I peered over at my father helping my mother stabilize herself enough to stand. I broke down into a sob and they both rushed up to me. "No, honey it's okay. It wasn't your fault. Don't cry." They hugged me tight.

"Yes it is. I'm sorry," I managed to say. "I'll clean it up, I'm sorry."

"No, no it's fine," my father said, "I'll clean it up. Just take your pills and go to sleep. Goodnight, son, I love you." I walked off into my room and almost immediately fell asleep.

I woke up the next day to my parents in my room. They had an overabundance of boxes scattered around. "Are you..packing?" I asked.

Yes," my mom replied while looking down. She turned around and her eyes were red and puffy. I got up from bed and hugged her. "Thank you, Namjoon."

-11:15 am-

"Right this way," the nurse said. She leaded me to an empty room with Walt Disney characters placed around. "Have a seat, relax. The doctor will see you soon." She left and closed the door behind her.

Questions blasted through my head.

What about my friends?

What about school?

Do I get to see my parents?

When will I leave?

I started crying. I tucked my face in my knees and hugged my legs. I already miss my life at home.

Why?