Toxic thought

Lifeless worth

"BEEP,BEEP,BEEP!" I woke up to the sound of a fire alarm screaming in my ear. When I finally realized what was happening, I jumped up from out of my bed, ran to my apartment door and opened it to find a cloud of fire crawling up to my door to grab my life and put it in its chest of souls. I closed the door and headed towards my closet to grab a shirt to put over my nose. I ran to my balcony door to find thousands of people now staring back at me. Under my feet was a fire truck.      "Keep calm and jump. Everything will be okay, all I need for you to do is jump!" One fireman said to me.
I ran back inside and grabbed the necklace that my boyfriend gave me when we first started dating. A golden chain with purple essence was lying on my nightstand right next to my bed.  I grabbed it and ran back out. Now Under my feet was a black air bag to save me from death. " Please don't think about it too much just jump." I turned to my left to see my best friend staring at me . Next to her was my boyfriend. The two people that I love were okay. "Jump!" they mouthed to me. So, without a second thought I did it. I jumped. The fall seemed like it took me hours to implode into the giant air bag beneath me. The fall seemed like it was gonna kill me. The fall made it seem like I wanted to die. The fall made me think of memories that I didn't want to remember. The fall made me remember my family. The fall made me me remember the mistakes that I made with them. The mistakes that I wish I could fix. And when I crashed into the now inflated air bag it brought back memories, both good and bad. The suicide note wrote to me by my mother. Her funeral. And how I thought that it was so fucked up that half the people there didn't even know her... I also benefited from it which makes me no better. "God this is a long ass fall." I said to the whispers of wind slapping my body with every inch of movement. Then I remembered inter locking with the black air monster already. I opened my eyes to nothing more than four walls constructed together to form what looked like Jesus's favorite color. It was silent for what seemed like hours. My anxiety wasn't entering my brain like it usually would, nor would any other thought for that matter. The silence broke with an unexpected but familiar voice that I couldn't quite make out who it was or what it was saying. I listened as carefully as possible to the name "Joel." The close eco was getting louder and louder and without a warning, there was a loud but comforting hum. When the humming stoped, the familiar name would continue. This would replay for what seemed like eternity. I didn't know what to think or say. All I could do was stand and listen. "When is this gonna end?" Was the first and last thought that entered and soon enough would exit my brain with the help of sleep. Hours and hours of pure and silent sleep.