A cry for help (Larry Stylinson)

I closed my eyes and looked in front of the mirror. Slowly opening them, knowing I would fear what I saw. My brown hair wasn’t as full anymore, and my eyes didn’t shine as much they used to. My plump pink lips didn’t part unless I saw a camera. The after shadow spreading across my face reminded me of how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve changed. How much I’ve lost. A single tear raced down my left cheek as I blinked furiously. I brought my pointer finger up and carefully wiped the drop of water away.

My hand rose up to the mirror, as I touched what didn’t look like my reflection. I could hardly remember myself. Who was I? Wasn’t I the happy little boy who wore bright vibrant colors? Suspenders? Red and blue? I can’t recall who I was staring at now. A ruffled up mullet type look, that I don’t even know the name of, hung above my head. Whereas black ink sprawled all over my bear chest. The only way to express myself.

I pulled my hand away from the mirror and let it fall to my side. My eyes started to blur up as I looked at my bloodshot orbs. I resembled someone who hasn’t slept in years…which isn’t entirely a lie. All I see when I close my eyes are the lies I’ve lived for the past three years. Because of this, I am forever afraid of my eyes to close. I try to avoid it but it’s inevitable. Bound to happen.

I turn my head to the right and see a familiar petite figure standing in the doorway. She smiles faintly and leans against the frame of the door. Her hand outstretches towards mine. I simply blink. Staring at her palm. She sighs and shoves her hand back in her pocket.

“Are you ready?” A small voice croaks out. I looked at her as she fiddles with her fingers. Ready for what? Ready for another small lie? Another event that I just wish wouldn’t happen? Another fake, smile, fake kiss, fake love? I will never be ready for that.

“Yes.” I turn myself away from the mirror, unable to see my face anymore. She extends her hand out to me, but I walk past her. I hear her exhale as I grab my white t-shirt and throw it over my bear chest. Following that, I put on my black blazer. I feel a small grip on my arm, as I look down. I see her standing there, her eyes watering.

“This is just as hard for me, you know? You’re not the only one having to live a lie.” A drop of water falls from her hazel eyes. I just stand in my spot. Not showing emotion or movement. “This is a two person experience, and I can’t do this without your fifty percent help. I’m extending one half to you…just meet me half way.”

I don’t make a sound.

“Louis, please…” Her voice cries. “I know how much this is hurting you, but-“

“Let’s go,” I interrupt her and walk to the door. She latches onto my arm, holding it tighter then tight. I close my eyes as I’m about to open the door the outside world. I am stopped.

“Wait,” She bites her lip. “Y-you have to s-smile Louis.”

I shake in my spot and nod my head. I am immediately bombarded by flashes and screams. My lips turn upward in a forced smile as I look past the crowd and into the limo waiting for me. I look to my date and see her sitting next to me.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” She smiles to me and rests her head on my shoulder.  I stay still, like usual, not wanting to talk, for I know my voice will break.

I look out the window while I see fans holding signs that I can’t read, and girls screaming. The only thing that makes me smile is too see the effect I have on them. Where I can just flash my pearly white teeth and make their day. But the day will come when I can’t do that for them anymore. And the day will come when they lose all hope on me.

After a couple of minutes of waiting the limo stops. The girl next to me looks at me with a toothy grin. I can tell she’s excited. She likes the attention.